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Toefl- Kids playing computer games; What the parents did, what their children do


s011208 6 / 15  
Dec 9, 2009   #1
Hello, I need some feedback from u ^^

I am not a good writer, and I hope I can learn more.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.

Give specific reasons and details to support your opinion.


With the advance of technology, the ages of people who touch the technology become lower and lower. At the same time, almost all of the parents face the same problem. Is playing computer games waste children's time? I disagree with this statement that playing computer games waste their time.

First of all, it is necessary for children to gain more chances and experience. Playing computer games, children can learn how to face the false and challenge themselves through trials and errors until they attain the goal in computer games. For example, when I was a child, my mother always allowed me to spend time on playing computer games. Although it may lead me to addict in the computer games due to the fact that I lose many times, I gain a lot of sense of achievement, because it urged me to think lots of strategies to beat other players.

Moreover, to enrich children's social life, children get more opportunities to interact with their friends. In modern society, almost all of children tend to share their experience with their friends. One of the experiences is how to get the goal in computer games. If parents disallow their children playing computer games, it may deprive their opportunities to discuss those games with others. For example, my elementary school friend, Joe, did not have any chances to play computer games so that he was lonely no matter where it was, because he did not know what topic he could talk with his classmates.

Last but not least, providing a safe environment for children, parents should enable children to play computer games. In this high tempo era, many parents tend to play computer games on the weekend; however, they do not enable their children playing computer games. What the parents did, what their children do. Prohibiting children playing computer games may give them more excuses to find other occasions playing its. At the same time, they may meet bad friends in diversity of occasions. No people can promise that children will not do wrong things together. The safe way to avoid those problems is that decrease the opportunities to exposure in those bad occasions. Therefore, parents should allow children playing computer games in order to give them safe environments.

For the reasons above, I disagree that playing computer games waste children's time.
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Dec 9, 2009   #2
With the advance of technology, the ages of people who touch the technology become lower and lower.

the ages of those who use* technology

At the same time, almost all of the parents face the same problem.

I'm confused here. what do you mean?

First of all, it is necessary for children to gain more chances and experience. By p laying computer games.

you dont have to say you were addicted, it weakens your argument, though you make it known that such a problem exists. interesting indeed.

Moreover, to enrich children's social life, children get more opportunities to interact with their friends.

Though true, I think it's realllly better to have real friends who can do things in real life. not play games on a computer :]

One of the experiences is how to attain a goal in computer games. If parents do not allow their children playing computer game.

this is what makes this issue quite sad. if this person has no one to talk to because he doesn't play games, then good for him. he should become a genius and make it big in the world. then again, the pressure to fit in, isn't it. :/ Do you really think these games are necessary? it seems like you're saying games are needed in order to talk to people, to have things to talk about. sorry about this secant :P

Last but not least, providing a safe environment for children, parents should enable children to play computer games.

what do you mean? I think you contradicted yourself here. many parents tend to play games, but not let their children play? that what you're trying to say? I guess.

What the parents did, what their children do.

are you going for the "what parents are able to do, children should be able to do too"? quite fun. quite fun. haha

Prohibiting children playing computer games may give them more excuses to find other occasions playing its.

how cute. make them stay at home so that they don't meet the bad boys on the street :] games are much safer, but what about their poor eyes and their poor minds? :<

For the reasons above, I disagree that playing computer games wastechildren' s time.

Comments: I'm not quite getting your flow. games allow people to experience complex thinking experiences where they need to solve problems and reach goals. then games allow people to communicate and have things to talk about. lastly, games on a computer are safer than the reality outside. Makes sense, makes SNES.e :]

Sorry for my oddball comments. I liked this topic quite a lot. Intro starts out well to lead into gaming, but the ending transition part can get some more work. the conclusion likewise. you're main point is clear, but the wording is distracting.
OP s011208 6 / 15  
Dec 10, 2009   #3
Thx ur comments ^^

I'll try better!
yasmin85 1 / 1  
Dec 10, 2009   #4
Hi,
also you may try to use new words i.e. other vocabulary
use such as, for instance instead of using for example all the time.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 11, 2009   #5
Here is a quick idea for you:
Is playing computer games waste children's time? Some people state that it is, but I disagree with this statement. that playing computer games waste their time.

Here is another one... "number agreement":
Moreover, to enrich children's social lives , children get more opportunities to interact with their friends.


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