Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Kids tend to eat what they like or do want they want to do, without considering the adverse effects


nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Oct 25, 2016   #1

Many children these days have unhealthy lifestyle.


Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?


At present, the way of children live become unhealthy. They tend to eat what they like or do want they want to do without considering the adverse effects. Some people believe that both academic institution and parents have responsibility to solve this problem. I tend to agree with this statement since most of children time is spent in school and home.

Some unhealthy lifestye is refers to dietary or food consumption. Many children choose to eat junk food or unhygiene one. This is responsesibility of schools and parents. For instance, many kind of food that offer in school. In the rest time children will choose attarctive food, which is unhealthy. As the effect children have digestion problem or any diseases. It is one of school responsisbility since they have authority to prevent stall food from selling bad dishes. For parents, they have to pay attention to their children like give them box meal, so they do not need eat extraneous food at school.

Unhealthy life style of children also include in developing sedentary and mundane activity. Nowadays, children have more chance to access computer or internet. Due to this case, they will have same and long activity all day. For instance, a game online or video game. Children usually addicted to this invention because it is so fun and challenging. It is good if they use it in normal time. But it will become dangerous since it is too much. Some illness will follow them. Such as, eyes problem as they have too much time in focus on screen and fewer sleep or sleepless due to fact that play is more enjoyable for them than study even sleep. So, for this time, parents have to control children leisure and their sleeping time.

In conclusion, the way of children life is influenced by people around them especially the academic institution and parents. As the effect, both of them have to endeavor solve this problem since what children do now will give effects in their future.

IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Oct 25, 2016   #2
Hi Ms. Nuraini. Here are my suggestions for you:

I would concern about your grammatical structure first.

... statement since most of the children time is spent ...

Some unhealthy lifestyelifestyleisrefersrefer to dietary or food consumption.
... eat junk food or unhygieneunhygienic one. This is responsesibilitythe responsibility of schools and parents.
... that offer in school (then?).
... children will choose attarctivean interesting food, which is unhealthy. As the effect(,) children have digestion ...
It is one of school responsisbilityresponsibility since they have an authority to prevent ...
... attention to their children like givegiving them box meal, so they do not need to eat extraneous food at school.

Unhealthy life stylelifestyle of children also includes in developing sedentary ...
... to access computer or the internet.

Suggestions:
1. you should pay an attention to your subject-verb agreement at least.
2. try to make a complex sentence. For example: This is responsesibilityresponsibility of schools and parents because they interact with the pupils every day. This will emphasize your statement in the passage.

Goodluck!
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Oct 25, 2016   #3
Hi, the following are several inputs from me, hope you can follow it through:

- At present, the way of children lives become unhealthy.
- ... or do want they want to do without considering...
- This is responsesibility of schools and parents. For instance, many kinds of food that offer in school. You may consider the alternate version of these sentences as follows:

"School and parents have a responsibility regarding this problem. Take a look at the food that students eat or buy at school
- In the restbreak time,(a comma is needed) children will choose attarctive food, that looks appealing , which is unhealthy for them .
- As the effectConsequently,(You can use some transition signals that indicates an effect such as "consequently, therefore, and thus".) children will get have digestion problem or any diseases easily .

- It is one of school'sresponsisbilityresponsibilitiessince they have authority to prevent stall food ...
- ...so they do not need to eat or buy extraneous food at school.
- SoTherefore, for this time, parents have to...
- Some illness will follow them. such as, eyes problem as they....

Hope this help! Good luck!
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Oct 25, 2016   #4
Hi nuraini,

... both academic institutionS and parents have ...
... since most of children time is spentspend in school and home.

Some unhealthy lifestyelifestyle (spelling) is refers to ...
This is responsesibilityresponsibility(spelling) of schools and parents. For instance, many kind of foodSthat offerwhich is offered in school. In the rest time children will choose attarctiveattractive (spelling) food, which is unhealthy. As the effect children haveget digestion problem or anyother diseases. It is one of school responsisbilityresponsibilities(spelling) since they have ...

... attention to their children like givegiving them box meallunch box , so they do not ...

... use it in normaltime, but it will become dangerous ...

- In the first paragraph i think you make a good answer, but in the second paragraph there was no coherence to the question. You need to understand the question so you will make a good response.

- Be careful on the wrong spelling since you make a lot of mistakes in spelling the words.
Hopefully it helps.
ReskiRamadani88 43 / 57 5  
Oct 27, 2016   #5
Hello nuraini, i will give you suggestion:

1. Be care full singular and plural/ countable and uncountable noun using:
2. Be care full conjunction using:

... that both of academic institutions and ...

Some unhealthy lifestye is are refer to ...

many kind of foods that ...

3. Be care full you spelling:
lifestye lifestyle


Home / Writing Feedback / Kids tend to eat what they like or do want they want to do, without considering the adverse effects