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Writing Task 2 "Some kind of paid work work children in many countries"


ZiadRasyid24 10 / 15 3  
Aug 30, 2016   #1
In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

What are your opinion on this?


In many country parents involve their children for some kind of freelance work. they assume this is very important for their experiences of work, learning activities, and responsibility value. While others think this is not appropriate for children because they will not capable of the loads.

For some parents think that paid work is beneficially for children and they have opinion for this. First, they assume that paid work is giving children more experiences that they cannot learn in school. This is very important and may help them while adults. The other reason is taking responsibility. They will acquire if they are given some task. Then, It will develop their responsible ability.

In the other hand, parents who believe that paid work for children is not good decision have a different point of views. They think that children is growth process. Therefore, they should spend most of their time by take learning activities in school. If they are forced to do some of paid work, it will lose their rights to play or learn with their friends. The other reason is most of children are not enough of mentality. Many of them will become stress by difficult task or not capable of their job. Then, it will affect to their personality. For instance, After working they might be tired and tend to lose control in some situations or having less interest to communicate with other member of family.

All in all, many of parents have their opinion for this problem. In my view children should have more time and freedom to learn in school or play with their friends because they are not enough of mental to deal with some kind of work.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,198 464  
Aug 30, 2016   #2
parents involve their children

the question does not ask you how parents should involve their children do some paid jobs. If you write this, then your essay is little bit off topic and deduct your score.

they assume this is very important for their experiences of work, learning activities, and responsibility value.

Working experience brings more benefits for children such as learning activities and value commitment.

While others think this is not appropriate for children because they will not capable of the loads.

Incomplete ideas appear here, since the sentence written is only sub sentence.

For some parents think

Again, it is not parents' opinion. It is always good peruse the prompt more closely so you know what is being asked in the prompt.

Overall, although this essay has been written, such an essay does not cover the question, and tends to be off-topic. Therefore, your score ranges between 4 and 5.
dinartika19 37 / 67 6  
Sep 2, 2016   #3
Hi Ziad!

In many countrycountries parents involve their children for some kind offreelance work.to work as freelance

For some parents (...) they have opinion for this.about it.

The other reason is takinglearning to take responsibility.

InOn the other hand,

they should spend most of their time by take learning ...
ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Sep 2, 2016   #4
hi ziad, i would like to focus on your introduction paragraph

... involve their children forin some kind of freelance work.
... is very important for their experiences of work, learning activities, and responsibility value .
While others think this is not appropriate for children because ...

here is my suggestion
In several regions across the world children have involved in some kind of freelance work. Some parties argue that young people should not have any occupation. however, others believe that becoming a waged worker from childhood have some advantages for children such as being more skillful and responsible.

in addition, you also should write your thesis statement in the introduction paragraph


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