The kind of trouble that society usually have after moving overseas

Writing Task 1: Integration Problems For People Living Abroad

The bar chart gives information about kind of trouble that society usually have when they move to overseas according to ages. Generally, people aged 35-55 years old have sorting out health as the biggest problem they faced out, meanwhile for young people weeding out finances become the first problem, and searching schools for children become the last problem in all ages.

For young people, looking for money is the biggest problem. A problem experienced by just 34 percent. Society with age 35-54 choose money as the second problem although the percentage is bigger than young people which is 35 percent. Only about 23 percent people over 55 have this problem.

Healthcare become the most problem in middle and elderly people have. Both of them have similar value about 36 percent. Old people choose health care as the first problem they have, although less than the other ages.Young people take this problem as the second one.

Looking for schools children is the last and the less problem that people have in every ages. The biggest percentage is had by people aged 35-54 about 19 percent. Then, it is followed by young people and eldery people.

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  The chart shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries.
  

Hi Nuraini,
Welcome to EssayForum :)

Before rushing to my feedback, I would like to suggest that you should give at least one space (one enter) for each paragraph for the next post. This can ease us in completely reading and checking your essay. Anyway, the detailed descriptions below are my feedback towards your report summary of IELTS writing task 1. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph:
- It is unfortunate that in this paragraph you over-generalized the word "ages". It can convey different meaning. You should specify it clearly by mentioning "age groups, three different age groups, three distinctive age groups, three types of age groups, or many more". IELTS candidates often make this kind of mistake and this can possibly drag your band score down in terms of Lexical Resource.

2nd paragraph:
- For young people, looking for money is the biggest problem. (where's the data?)
- A problem experienced by just 34 percent. (who did experience this problem? if you think that this is related to the previous sentence, I suggest you can just combine rather than separate it.)

- Society with age 35-54 choose(problem is something that people "face/encounter/find" not "choose". Did you choose to get some problems? No right?) money as the second problem although the percentage is bigger than young people which is 35 percent. (besides, this sentence is quite confusing. avoid creating long-and-complicated sentences if you are not really sure about the meaning/structure)

Hope this helps :)

Hi Aini.
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been a right medium to boost your skill. I hope you can participate actively in this website and follow suggestion given other members. In this moment, let me finalize your writing. please, meet my notes and deal with them.

... about kindS of trouble that society usually have FACED BY CITIZENS when they move to overseas according to CATEGORIZED IN THREE DIFFERENT AGE GROUPS ages . Generally, OVERALL, IT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT people aged 35-55 (...) health as the biggest MOST SERIOUS problem they faced out, . Meanwhile (This is a transitive word so that you need a period), for young people (...) become the first POSITION IN CLUSTERS OF problemS WHICH THEY GET, and searching (...) become the last RANK IN THIS CATEGORYproblem in all ages. GROUPS

A CLOSER LOOK REVEALS THAT For young people , looking for money is the biggest problem IN THE CLUSTER OF YOUNG PEOPLE. A problem experienced by just , REPRESENTING AT 34 percent.

... 35-54 chooseS THE money as the second HIGHEST problem although , AND (Please, you order the conjunction properly. make you sure that what you write is what you mind )the THIS PROPORTION percentage is bigger than young people which is , STATING AT 35 percent. Only about 23 percent people in THE AGE GROUP over 55 have this problem.

NEEDS OF Healthcare become the most MAJOR problem in middle ...
Both of them have THE similar value ...
Old people choose THE health care as the first problem MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR they have, ...

... is the last MATTER and the less problem that people have in every ages AGE CLUSTER. The biggest percentage is had IS COMMANDED by people aged 35-54 YEARS OLD WITH THE RATE AT about 19 percent. Then AFTER THAT, it is followed by young people and eldery people.

I really believe you can show the positive progress in this skill on condition that you wanna practice more and more.
Keep spirit..
GOOD LUCK :D

Hello aini, i will give you suggestion:

Be care full your spelling:

Generally, people agedage s 35-55 years old have ...

You can change "ages" with age group

Only about 23 percent people over 55 have this problem.While age group over 55 have same problem, which the percentages is about 23 percent. It is smaller than young and middle age groups.