Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

All kinds of medical health expenditures should be borne by the government; do you agree or not .


Ashikk 2 / 3 1  
Sep 2, 2014   #1
It is well known the government is an institution that should represent and support it's people interests, benefits and rights. Currently, whether the government should shoulder full responsibility to pay for the peoples medical health expenditures has sparked a hot debate.

There are many strong reasons that can compel one to espousal of the statement. Firstly, Limited income, poor or aged person are not able to take proper treatment in case of their poverty and sorry to say that finally meet with dead , by this time microbes are spread out everywhere which is a big thread for any country. Secondly, rural area's medical services only can ensure by government financing. Even private clinic and hospital harassment will rapidly reduce.

However, this view has been challenged by a number of cogent arguments. Personally, I believe it is better not to have borne all medical expenditure by the government. Firstly, individuals will not feel obligated to their health. Moreover it will inspire individual irrespective behavior; it might be very difficult to convince a patient to change unhealthy behaviors which associate with the serious health problem such as smoking. Under this circumstance, the patients' health and outcome of medical care will be compromised. Secondly, individuals might have no intention of checking where the medical service charges and medicine are appropriate. Even it may happen some patients might receive the unnecessary health checkup and treatment which may increase the medical cost. Meanwhile the medical professionals who prescribed the unnecessary medical care to make more profits. This situation will create a crisis of trust between patients and professionals in healthcare system.

In conclusion, the negative influences will be presented on today's society if all medical expenditures are borne by the government. The best way is to let individuals share the responsibility to pay their medical bill with a reasonable proportion. Government should closely monitor the whole health system for better service and will provide special service for poor and aged people.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 2, 2014   #2
There are grammatical errors that need to be corrected in the essay. However, I assume that this is the first draft and there is room to rewrite /revise the essay with regards to its content. The argument that you believe is somewhat shallow and very much cookie cutter in content. The introduction is too short and needs to be expanded. I would like to offer the following suggestions to help improve the overall content of the essay.

In the introduction, you can present the debate about the government should and should not shoulder all of the expenses related to the medical health expenses of the public. Mention that you will do a comparison of two systems, the system in Switzerland and England where the government shoulders all of the health expenses of the individuals, and the United States, where the government only partially shoulders the expenses. Talk about the public opinion about which form seems to work best. Then mention that at the end of the paper, you will present your opinion about why the government should only agree to shoulder the expenses to a certain degree.

You can present your personal opinion based on the discussion of taxes. People pay the government a certain amount of their fixed income every year in order to help the government function. Part of that money goes to maintaining the health sector of the government (hospitals, clinics, etc. that are government owned). Then say that although it would be nice for the government to shoulder all of the expenses, there is not enough government money to go around. So the government should only partially shoulder everyone's health expenses. You can expand upon this discussion with public opinions or personal experience with government hospitals that helped you in the past with health issues.

Finally, you can restate the prompt and reiterate your stance that you agree with the statement, but only to a certain degree.

I hope my suggestions for improving the content will help you out. After you revise the paper, we can look it over again and work on the grammar issues :-)
OP Ashikk 2 / 3 1  
Sep 3, 2014   #3
Thanks for your prompt reply.
Yes. This is my First written.
I will be happy, if you correction the grammatical error.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 3, 2014   #4
I'm more than happy to do that for you. Let me get started with ;

It is well known the government is an institution that should represent and support it's people interests, benefits and rights

- It is a well knownfact that the government...

Currently, whether the government should shoulder full responsibility to pay for the peoples medical health expenditures has sparked a hot debate.

- Currently, there is an ongoing debate as to whether the government should take full responsibility for paying the medical health expenses of its citizens.

There are many strong reasons that can compel one to espousal of the statement

-There are many strong reasons to support this public sentiment.

- The reasons people usually want the government to support their health expenses boils down to poverty, a limited income ,andlack of insurance

, by this time microbes are spread out everywhere which is a big thread for any country.

- Avoid using sentences that do not help inform the reader. This sentence also deviates from the essay prompt as this refers to disease research.

- In the rural areas, medical services can only be provided by the government due to small population counts that do not entice big medical companies to come in and build hospitals. Government intervention in that area will also prevent the private health clinics from gouging their patients in terms of charges.

- Though there are benefits to having a wholly subsidized healthcare system, I believe that having the government shoulder all the medical expenses for the public also has its drawbacks. First of all, the public will no longer feel responsible for their health or leading a healthy lifestyle because they don't have medical expenses to worry about.

Moreover it will inspire individual irrespective behavior; it might be very difficult to convince a patient to change unhealthy behaviors which associate with the serious health problem such as smoking. Under this circumstance, the patients' health and outcome of medical care will be compromised

-Patients may also suffer from misdiagnosis more often because of the full healthcare subsidy because the doctors will want to just keep charging the patient for as long as the patient has an existing medical subsidy allowance. This would deplete government funding and cause a literal health care crisis for the citizens of the country.

-That is why I believe that having the government shoulder all health expenses for the public will only bring negative results. The health of the public is an individual responsibility. Therefore, each person must be responsible for his or her own healthcare. The Government should only subsidize a portion of healthcare using public taxes. Totally shouldering the expenses only in special cases such as indigent patients and aged people.

I hope you won't mind that I rewrote, deleted, and edited your sentences. I did that just to show you how you could made a stronger statement using certain sentence structures and keywords. I hope that my advice can help you out :-)
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Sep 3, 2014   #5
There are many strong reasons that can compel one to espousalsupportof the statement. FirstlyFirst,Limitedwith limited income, a poor or an aged person aremay not be able to take proper treatment in case of their poverty and sorry to say that finally meet with dead , by this time microbes are spread out everywhere which is a big thread for any country. when they are sick. (avoid lengthening your sentences unnecessarily.... it disturbs your flow and confuses the reader)
OP Ashikk 2 / 3 1  
Sep 4, 2014   #6
I m happy that you have correct my essay.

I m going to written another topic, hope you will help me as same.

Thanks you.


Home / Writing Feedback / All kinds of medical health expenditures should be borne by the government; do you agree or not .