Please help me with feedback on how I can improve my essay. Thank you! **
PROMPT:
As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
Knowledge is vague because knowledge can be anything from applicable knowledge to theoretical knowledge. An example of an applicable knowledge is how to save money where as theoretical knowledge is how the earth is created. The difference between the two types of knowledge is that applicable knowledge has a reality to it; it bears action that proves that the knowledge is clear and useful. The latter knowledge remains complex because it is ideas without proof, other words ideas that cannot be proven because it has no actions. We must understand the complexities on gaining more knowledge based on the type of knowledge we receive.
Knowledge is clear cut when there are actions to prove that the knowledge is correct. For example, we can say the Earth is round because space explorers and scientists proved that the earth was round by mathematical calculations and literal explorations out to space that show the earth is round. Another example applies to how we have occupations because we practiced and studied it. Firefighters are not just firefighters because they wear fire suits. Firefighter know the science of fire, rescue people that are caught in burning projects, and they even have specific skill sets to show that they are firefighters. These examples show that knowledge when there is proof makes ideas clear to us because this idea is now a fact that everyone can believe as truth.
However some knowledge is not so clear, this type of knowledge is theoretical. Theoretical knowledge is ideas that when left unexplored, makes people wonder deeply and not have a clear sense of understanding. For example, the existence of aliens is knowledge without actions or proof that is why people have a hard time understanding what aliens are, or even if they exist. This type of knowledge is hard to comprehend and people just think of more "what if" possibilities. Ultimately, ideas left unsolved are mysterious. Just because an idea is incomprehensible does not mean it is unchangeable. Over time, ideas can turn into reality as people make the effort to understand why something happens. For example before scientific discoveries, we thought the sun rotated round the earth, it was a mysterious concept. Now we understand the earth rotates around the planet because of evidence that proves the knowledge.
In sum, we cannot say more knowledge makes things clear or mysterious, it really depends on the type of knowledge we seek to fill our minds with. If there is definite proof through evidence or reality through experience, we can acknowledge the idea clearly. If we leave ideas unresolved and we just build more ideas on top of other ideas, our understanding becomes complex.
This is my correction and suggestion for you:
The difference between the two types of [...] be proven because it has no actions.
(I suggest you to remove these sentences because in introduction you just have to write a hook, paraphrase of the question and your thesis statement in which position you take, in this case agree or disagree. However, in your body1 and body2 you already mention about these sentences again. So to reduce the repetitive words or ideas, please remove these)
We must understand the complexities on gaining more knowledge ...
(I think you do not say clearly to what extent do you agree or disagree about the question even though you already have good ideas about the knowledge. But it can reduce your score, if you do not state which position you are take).
This is my alternative introduction for you:
Over a past century, the necessary of gaining acquaintance has become a critical think.(This is hook)Unfortunately, improve knowledge does not always establish more understanding, the reverse occurs which make more complication and confusion.(Paraphrase the statement) I totally disagree with this statement with a certain extent because it depends on what kind of study that people learn which are practical with evidence or theory that has not been proved. (This is an example of thesis statement which you can use in introduction. You can also make your statement in your conclusion with this sample: "To sum up, I strongly disagree ....")
THANK YOU :)
This is my alternative for your second paragraph, thanks.
Knowledge is clear cut when there are actions to prove that #FF0000it is correct. For example, we can say the Earth is round afterit was proved by space explorers and scientists with mathematical calculation and out space literal explorations . Another example applies to how we have occupations because we practiced and studied it. .Another example : Firefighters are not only for someone who wear fire suit, but they should know the science of fire, how to rescue people who is caught in burning area and other specific skill related to their job.These mean that knowledge is when there is a proof that makes the idea clear, it would become a fact which everyone believes as the truth.
