It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some might think it is useless to push children who do not have any interest on painting and drawing in Art classes at school as it is better for them to focus on other creative and practical lesson that they really love. This essay would totally disagree to such idea because it is too early for children to decide what kind of subject that really loved by them and it is useful for them to develop their imagination by learning art.
It has commonly believe that children should not be pushed on learning something as they may be have their other favorite subject that is more important to learn, but considering their young age, they still need guidance from adults to decide what kind of subject would be loved by them in the future. This statement stand on the actual fact that some adults, who do not love art at their young age, are regretting their past as they do not quite satisfied with the current subject they pursue and are start loving art subject. For instance, the study conducted by Australia Government in 2010 revealed that 75% of adults regret their incompetence to express their feeling by drawing or painting art as they are not willing to learn those subjects while they are at school. Therefore, it is true that children do not yet have sufficient ability to determine what kind of subject that may be really useful for them in the future so that they need guidance from adults.
It also cannot be denied by drawing and painting people are easier to express their imagination. Not everyone is a good painter but every single person, who can paint, is more creative and imaginative than others. A recent research conducted by California University shows as much as 63% of people could paint or other art subjects are more creative and imaginative to solve their life problem. Hence, even if children do not love art lessons, it is important for them to learn the subject.
To conclude, children need to learn art together with other creative and practical subjects as they are still young so that they still need guidance from adults on what kind of subject that really useful for them in the future and the art subjects are important to widen their imagination. Where possible, the adults should give more attention and understanding for their children so that they are willing to learn art without force.
Overall, I think that your structure is good, the coherence is good, and the idea is well developed.
As I'm reading through your text I feel that you are guiding me, influencing me to your idea/opinion.
However the conclusion is not well executed. Is it because of time restriction?
I feel the
Paragraph 1
- ...really loved by them. (they really loved)
Paragraph 2
- ...important to learn, -stop/dot- but considering...
(it is too long and they are not supposed to be put together. you should put a stop before continuing to the reasoning)
- This statement stand on the actual fact that some adults, who do not love art at their young age, are regretting their past as they ...
(i think it could be better to use the structure "...that some adults who do not love art at their young age to regret..."
what you are trying to do is giving more explanation like those in the articles in magazine which usually using
"- extra information / personal opinion sentence-")
Paragraph 3
just personal subjective preference,
- ...who can paint...
(everyone can paint, so i think the right word is "...everyone who paints, are..")
Paragraph 4
-practical subjects as (when) they are still young (stop/dot) so that they still (However, they still) need guidance from adults on ...
a well-structured essay, i love it although there are some grammar mistakes
on other creative and practical lessons
This statement stands on the actual fact
are start lovingstarting to love art subject.
what kind of subject that isreally useful for them
Where possible, the adults should givepay more attention
