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The Lakeside town changes have occurred during 2000 to 2009 was illustrated in the map


tria25 12 / 19 4  
Apr 17, 2016   #1
The Lakeside town changes have occurred during 2000 to 2009 was illustrated in the map. The most noticeable change is the replacement of residential areas with several business sectors and infrastructure projects.

Turning to the west side of the river, there were more changes occurred in this side rather than in the east side. The derelict warehouse placed next to the housing was transformed into the car park. In addition to this, the Lakeside society converted the old town located beside the lake into offices and a university. Moreover, the art centre placed next to the school was transformed into cinema. Also, it can be seen clearly that the shopping centre set in front of the river changed the residential area.

The change was found also in the east side town river in 2009. The industrial complex became larger then it was and took the residential area. Then, the map shows that the lake turned into the little pond.



ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 17, 2016   #2
Tria, I notice that your tenses consistency is good. I think you can do better than this one, but don't worry, it doesn't mean that your essay is bad. This is because there is no perfect or flawless writing after all. Everyone needs improvement, even me myself, I also still need many improvements in IELTS writing. My suggestion for you is that, besides being more aware on composing a sentence, perhaps you can extend your number of words for at least 165 or 195 words. It is because, extending the words will enhance your lexical resource score. You can see the criteria for a band 6 writing below:

- uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
- attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy


Therefore, I think you can also reduce some repetitive words in your essay by extending your words limit. Now, for a breakdown of your grammatical, spelling and punctuation issues, with corrections applied.

- wasis illustrated in the map.
- Overall, the most noticeable change is that, the replacement...
- Also, it can be seen clearly that the (you have made an overview on your introduction, you don't need to make it again)
- became larger thenthan it was..

Keep practicing Tria :) Good Luck!


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