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[TOEFL] need for land kept in natural condition or developed for housing, industry?


holylua 5 / 15 2  
Sep 12, 2013   #1
Land plays a vital role in every country. It's where people live and work the entire life as well as the habitat for various animals. Although some people want more of it to develop industry and housing because they pay particular attention to economy and amenities, others want to keep the land in its natural condition. In my view, there is more need for land to be left in natural condition in my country for two important reasons.

First of all, the people in my country are suffering the air pollution because there are more land to be used for manufacturing industry. The government built a lot of skyscrapers and allowed countless factories to be established. Consequently, the waste from these factories caused harm to the environment and there is not enough fresh air for people to breathe. For example, I live in the populous industrial Ho Chi Minh city in Vietnam. There are a plethora of high buildings and factories in here. A sugar production firm failed to manage its waste and polluted a river in the city altogether. In addition, there is always traffic jam during the rush hour in the city. I get frustrated every time I go out because of the traffic and the harmful smoke from the vehicles. Moreover, I want to break loose from this polluted crowded city but I don't know where to go to enjoy fresh air because there are limited places for me to come to. As you can see, my country needs nothing but more land in natural condition for a clean environment.

Secondly, deforestation is growing in popularity to have more land for industry and housing in my country. As a result, we are likely to suffer the bad consequences of the flood because there are not enough trees to hinder the flood. For instance, in Lam Dong, a province in Vietnam, where there used to be numerous trees, they cut down more and more trees to sell and used the land to build more houses and develop the industry. Unfortunately, last year, a flood happened and killed a large number of people as well as damaged most of factories. This tragic experience taught me that land is necessary to grow trees with the aim of protecting people from natural disasters.

To sum up, there is a growing need for more land to be left in natural conditions in my country. The reason is that the residents in my country are suffering not only the polluted air but also the natural disasters because of lack of land. People should conserve more land if they want to have a healthy living environment for themselves as well as their future generations.

aliceNN 8 / 23  
Sep 17, 2013   #2
I think your idea is good.It would bo better if u write additional example of other side to strengthen ur arugment.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 18, 2013   #3
It's where people live and work the entire life as well as it is the habitat for various animals.

.... well this sentence does not seem to me very logical. It contains too obvious things and therefore I suggest you to remove this line. Instead you could talk about a more important aspect of land, for example the scarcity of land which has given rise to many issues today. In fact that is where the real focus of your prompt lies.
Allen Hu 8 / 26 4  
Sep 22, 2013   #4
It's where people live and work for the entire life as well as the habitat forwhere various animals lived on

This sentence have some grammar errors~

For instance, in Lam Dong, a province in Vietnam, where there used to be numerous trees, they cut down more and more trees to sell and used the land to build more houses and develop the industry.

the "they" in this sentence has no reference~

Unfortunately, last year, a flood happened and killed a large number of people as well as damaged most of factories

maybe this sentence be revised this way would be better: unfortunately, a large number of people are killed and many of factories are damaged because of the abrupt flood

There are too many "there be" sentences in your essay. you may use other sentences to replace some of them~

may this help~


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