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IELTS 2- Language study / online courses offered by universities

mnhc 1 / 1  
May 18, 2019   #1

Study foreign language remotely

Hi there, I am the new member here, and currently I am preparing for the Ielts test. I would love to receive some feedback on my essay. Any suggestions or corrections would be appreciated. Thank you so much!

Topic: Some universities now offer their online courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

It is true that distance learning through online platforms is more frequently applied by many universities. Although there are some drawbacks of Internet-based learning, I would argue that such an education program has more benefits.

The main downside of the trend towards online learning is the lack of direct interaction. Students might not have the opportunity to engage face-to-face with their teachers and peers, and likewise, teachers might find it difficult to keep track of student progress. In this teaching method, the role of instructors is limited, and there is less peer relation, competition, and cooperation between students. Another disadvantage is that the overdependence of e-learning on technology can lead to an interruption in the learning process. If students do not have a reliable Internet connection or are familiar with computers or technology applied, their learning experience could be dissatisfactory. Furthermore, not all disciplines can be taught effectively in the Internet-based program. For example, scientific fields that require hands-on experience might be difficult to be delivered through websites.

Despite the negatives mentioned above, I believe that online university courses are an essential forward for several reasons. Firstly, this method offers students a flexible way to study, meaning that they have the luxury of choosing the place and time that suits them best, and they can set their own pace of study. Secondly, the cost of a university education can be greatly reduced as there is no need for students to travel, and for universities to build many buildings. Universities can also attract more students without having to rely on the limited capacity of the campus. Lastly, online classes can bring educational opportunities to those who are willing to study, regardless of age, location, or background. For instance, adults who are busy with work during the daytime can take an evening online course without having to attend campus-based classes, or students in remote areas having limited access to university can pursue undergraduate education through learning subjects online.

In conclusion, although online courses are disadvantageous to some extent, I would consider such a learning method a positive development.

Writer07 - / 1  
May 18, 2019   #2
There are certain mistakes that can be corrected. you should use only one topic per para. Also, there is a need to follow proper structure for each para.. it means the first line should have a topic sentence followed by evidence, your comment, and concluding line, sequentially.
Maria [Contributor] - / 737 283  
May 18, 2019   #3
Hi there!

First and foremost, I think that your essay was substantiated nicely. I only wish that you would be cautious of the formatting/structure because it can be quite off-putting and baffling at times. When you feel as though you can omit words, omit them. When you feel as though your sentences are too weighed down by thoughts, try to restructure them in a manner that would allow you to have more grasp over what you want to relay. Remember that clarity is crucial when you are writing.

In addition, always use appropriate terms when you are writing.

Let's revise a few portions of your essay, alright?

It is true that using online platforms has emerged as a popular platform for universities. Although there are drawbacks, I argue that it has more benefits.

The main downside of the trend is its lack of direct interaction. [...]

Always try to make sure that your sentences are optimized in that you do not mention/include irrelevant lines - and that you try your best to capitalize on the space you have through including more necessary details for added depth.

Keep these in mind. Best of luck in your writing!
OP mnhc 1 / 1  
May 19, 2019   #4
Thank you for your comment. But I am quite certain that each paragraph in my essay contains only one idea. To be more specifically, this first one is about disadvantages and the second is advantages of online courses.

Thank you, Maria. My essay seems a bit wordy. I think I still need to work on coherence and clarity, and try to add more depth.

Once again, thank you. Have a nice day!

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