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A large number of animal species are likely to be extinct as human activities affect their habitats


nguyen khai 1 / -  
Jul 21, 2020   #1

Many animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea.


What are the reasons for this and what can be done to solve this issue?

It is true that a large number of animal species are likely to be extinct as human activities affect their habitats .Although this problem can be contributed by a host of reasons ,some feasible solutions should be considered to address this .

There are a number of reasons why human activities can cause animal extinction .First ,on land ,since people have been destroying animal habitats when enormous areas of rainforests have been cut down in recent years . In fact , some animal species can not find another home to live in, while others face difficulties adapting to a new environment ,which can put these species at a higher risk of extinction .Second, in sea , tourism in coast areas has an adverse impact on marine environment .For instance , waste discharged along the coast contaminates water and poses a serious threat to marine creatures in these areas. Final, human activities , including intense fishing and overexploitation are resulting in damage to the marine ecosystem . In fact , overfishing could directly affect the food chain as it causes the number of many fish species to decline dramatically in the short term .In the similar way , oil spills during the extraction process ,for example ,have killed thousands of marine species .

There are several actions that could be taken to mitigate the problem . Firstly , stricter punishments should be imposed for illegal logging ,deforestation ,overfishing and overexploitation ,this helps people who intentionally break the law ,think twice about an expensive price if they across the line .Secondly ,governments should require businesses and factories to install proper waste treatment systems ,which helps curb a huge amount of hazardous waste discharged into environment ,saving millions of animal lives .

In conclusion , there are various factors leading to animal extinction and some measures can be implemented to tackle this issue.

Thebiod 2 / 5 2  
Jul 21, 2020   #2
Thia is good but it may be preferable to discuss your suggestions/solutions to fix animal extinction in new paragraphs. All your points are mumbled up in the 3rd paragraph of this essay, that may pose a bit of problem to the reader/instructor.

To bring em all out as paragraphs so it's clearly outlined.
dinhquynhmai 3 / 5 4  
Jul 22, 2020   #3
Hi. All in all, your ideas are quite good. However, you should balance the number of idea in your causes part. I mean you have 3 ideas for "in sea" but only 1 idea for "on land". Perhaps it should be 2-2.

+ "final" should be "finally"
+ "think" in your solution part should be higher band word. For example "ponder".
+ synonyms of "extinction" should be used.
+ you should have a general statement to grab attention before jumping into topic.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,293 2855  
Jul 22, 2020   #4
The essay you have written is very weak. The opening paraphrase does not really represent the original prompt and the concluding sentence does not even try to properly summarize the discussion points. As for the discussion points, while you did present a paragraph for reasons and a paragraph for solutions, these are not effective presentations at all.

The effectiveness of your reason and solution paragraphs are not contained merely in the number of reasons presented, it is found within the explanation of each instead. So for each reasoning paragraph, you should present 2 connected reasons, one for land and one for sea. The paragraph should be fully developed with related examples and explanations that support the connected reasons. The solutions should function the same way. The solutions should be somehow connected to the land and sea reasons. So the discussion about saving the habitat works for both scenarios and should have been the sole solution presented and developed in the explanation. Remember, the cohesiveness aspect of the score comes from the clear connection of your topic discussions. They have to relate and connect the first and second reasoning paragraphs otherwise, it just isn't going to work to help improve your C&C score.

Fully develop your reasoning paragraphs, don't just enumerate discussion topics. Without a clear explanation, your essay will be deemed under developed and be scored lower than what your real potential might have been.
Khai 1 / 1  
Jul 23, 2020   #5
@dinhquynhmai
Thank you for your advice a lot.I will try to write better and take care of my weak points. I have 2 months to write essays before i will take a real ielts exam. Hope you may help me in the next times .

@Holt
Thank a million of you advice. I will try to focus more on my weak points of my writing. Hope you can help me in the next times.


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