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The large number of people are drawing attention to communicating online


mymyt 1 / -  
Jun 17, 2021   #1

many teenagers prefer socialising online than meeting offline one another



It is often said that the large number of people are drawing attention to communicating online. In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that meeting one another face-to-face is better. As far as I am concerned, this is a higly problematic issue, and it relates to the major problems and potential solutions to deal with. Therefore, some main points will be addressed in the following paragraphs.

To begin with, there are two primary issues caused by the pandemic.First of all, it is a well-documanted fact that most of residence have to stayed at home to prevent the community transmission by the warning of the government. The most obvious example to prove is that every activities from doing exercise to learning or working have to be done at home. Can not be denied that studying online or working online is the most vital method in the case of Covid-19's development. Furthermore, there is no doubt that some people do not have a good communication skill, particularly the introvert. For instance, it is proved that they become more openly and not feel insecure to communicate with people through a screen rather than in-person conversation.

In order to cope with the above issue, there are a number of solutions that could be taken into consideration. First and foremost, it is commonly accepted that it is clearlier to transmit each other thoughts. Our emotion and behaviour are shifted based on the face emotion, body language, gesture, eye contact and also the voice tone of the partner. Thanks to the amount of factors above, human being can easily communicate and transmit their thoughts and feelings in the most honest way.Furthermore, there is no denying that face-to-face communication build a stronger and trustworthy relationship. It is my interesting experiment that when I joined in a non-profit organisation,I did not know anyone in that club so I decided to make friend online before we had the first meeting. The chating was good since we met other in person, the unknow barrier prevent us to be opened and it was so akwarded. But I made friends and had some humorous gossip with another members simuteniouly.

To conclude, it is my strong belief that socialising online is just a temporary solution and just function for a long-distance interaction.Accordingly, I highly recommend that youngster should virtually have the in-person talk to improve their communication skill which is a actually significant element nowadays.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,263 3976  
Jun 18, 2021   #2
Your prompt restatement is flawed. You opted to merely restate the discussion topics rather than completing your discussion outline through diect question responses. Your restatement should contain a preliminary summary of the body paragraphs via direct responses. Why is this the case? Suggest a possible solution. complete the essence of your point of view.

Good job on relating the reasons response to the pandemic. It shows you are up to date on current events and its relationship with the people's lives. Excellent point for discussion. Problems in that paragraph relate to word usage. "Can Not" is confusing because it means" an ability to not be able to do something" . 2 seperate words connote the confused meaning. "Cannot" however, one word , means an inability to do something. For this paragraph, the second reason does not relate to the first and should not be presented because of that reason. The unrelated eason weakened the discussion as it created an under-developed explanation in the presentation.

Vocabulary issues continue to be present in the next paragraph. Do not make up English words such as " clearlier", " unknow ", and "chating". Just because it sounds right to you does not mean the word is.in the dictionary. Look it up first. Non-dictionary inclusion means you should not use the word due to spelling and word meaning requirements of the test.
Mekonguyen 1 / 2  
Jun 18, 2021   #3
Try to make a sentence longer
HelenN 5 / 10 3  
Jun 18, 2021   #4
Hi @mymyt
... that a large number of people...
... this is a highly problematic issue...
Therefore, some main points will ... paragraphs. maybe introduce your main points here

To begin with, there are two primary issues ... (you should state your main point here. Each paragraph should focus on only one point. Something like "Online learning facilitates teenagers to develop the habit of online chatting and meeting.").First (be careful with the format. It should be a period and then a space) of all, it is a well-documented fact ... to stayed at home to ...

The most (...) at home. Can not be denied that studying online("It is true" is good enough) or working online...
... people do not have a good communication skill, particularly the introvert (this should be mention separately). ... they become more openly and not feel ...

... it is clearlier to transmit (I don't understand) each other thoughts. Our emotions and behaviour ... face emotion expression, body language, ...
... communicate and transmit express/show their thoughts... .Furthermore, there is no denying doubt that face-to-face communication builds a stronger ...
The chating was good since ..., the unknow unknown/invisble/intangible barrier prevent us ... was so akwarded.
... another members simuteniouly instantly.

... Accordingly, I highly recommend that youngster young people should virtually ... which is an actually ...

Comment: Overall, you have a very good idea. Your writing will improve a lot if you do more proofreading work such as checking your spelling and formatting. Good luck! :)


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