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A large proportion of budget should be diverted from treatment to spending on health and education

IELTS JOHN 2 / 3  
Aug 25, 2017   #1

treating or preventing?

It is a common trend to some nations to distribute a huge proportion of its health budget to education and measures of prevention rather than cure. While distributing a significant amount to health education and prevention is of great importance, treatment is a better investment.

Firstly, serious illness are unavoidable. For instance, cancer can randomly affect anyone, including people who has the most intensive knowledge on health and the healthiest lifeste. Therefore, it would be pointless to divert a bigger fund to health education if such diseases exists.

Secondly, the society is already aware of what and what not to avoid. Basic hygiene and a healthy lifestyle have already been embedded to them growing up. It is a matter in which a person will follow it or not.

Finally, the price of treatment is much expensive than health education and prevention. Therefore, if budget would be limited, treatment would definitely be compromised, since funds will run out faster.

In conclusion, a country's budget on health can greatly affect the population. Though both health related education and treatment needs funds, it cannot be denied that the latter is the better choice ldue to the statements provided above.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,305 2862  
Aug 25, 2017   #2
John, this essay does not follow the required parameters of an IELTS Task 2 essay. All of your paragraphs do not fall under the required minimum 3 sentences in order to qualify as a full paragraph under the C&C scoring criteria. The opening paraphrase is incomplete (Btw, you are required to give us a copy of the original prompt for our analysis and comparison with your work. Please do that with your next essay) . All of your paragraphs have under developed discussion statements and do not really inform the reader in a complete manner. Your essay does not feel like you thoroughly analyzed the given prompt because all of your responses are short summaries. It is almost as if you are afraid to develop your discussions into a full length form. This is not the kind of essay that would pass in an actual test setting. Since this is your first essay, you have room for improvement. It is important that you learn how to properly develop your opening statement, your discussion process, and your concluding paragraph. Looking at and reading the examples for various IELTS Task 2 essays that are posted here will help you familiarize yourself with the essay requirements.

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