Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Would you rather be a leader or a member of a group? Leaders also learn a lot / experience asset


seconddaniel 2 / 3 1  
Jul 13, 2016   #1
In my opinion, there are many benefits of being a leader. So I would be a leader when I have chance to choose one of options: be a leader or be a member of a group. Leaders not only do many things but also learn a lot. In addition, experience of being a leader can be a precious asset for one's career.

Generally leaders think and put much more things into practice than any other members of a group. They should find solutions, make orders and interact with other teammate nicely and professionally. Leaders have a big burden to lead the way and improve teamwork. For example, I was a leader of article writing club and I had to edit every single article from all members and sometimes force them to submit their articles on time. I was very stressful and burdensome, but I learned a lot.

Another thing of benefits from being a leader is to strengthen your profile. Leadership experience is usually considered as a precious asset. It helps a lot when applying for graduate school or any firms in the future. For instance, when I applied for a company and went to an interview session, I gave positive impact on interviewers because of leadership experience. Owing to the leadership experience, I could get a job successfully.

In conclusion, there are many benefits of being a leader. Leaders can learn a lot while doing a lot. And leaders can have a good profile because many people think leadership experience is a good experience. Therefore, I will definitely a leader if I have an opportunity to select either a leader or a member.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 13, 2016   #2
Mingyu, the detailed descriptions below are my contributions toward your essay. I hope you find it helpful.

1st paragraph:
- SoThus, I wouldwant to be a leader whenif I have chance to choose one of options:whether becomes a leader or be a member of a group. (in academic essay, "So" is considered as coordinating conjunction, not a cohesive device)

- A le adersdoes not only do many things but also learnS a lot.

However, after several times of thinking I reckon that your introduction paragraph needs to be revised completely rather than following my corrections above. I have some tips (including examples) for you about how to write a good and strong introduction paragraph in argumentative essay.

1. Paraphrase the question or create a general topic related to the question
- These days, people generally have their own preferences about whether being a leader or a member of a group.

2. Write a thesis statement
- However, for me, I would definitely like to be a leader due to its two main benefits.

3. Outline your thesis statement
- Firstly, this essay will discuss the fact that being a leader can strengthen his or her own profile and secondly, discuss the invaluable experience of being a leader.

The complete introduction paragraph should be like this:

These days, people generally have their own preferences about whether being a leader or a member of a group. However, for me, I would definitely like to be a leader due to its two main benefits. Firstly, I am going to discuss the fact that being a leader can strengthen his or her own profile and secondly, discuss the invaluable experience of being a leader.

3 sentences 64 words.


Home / Writing Feedback / Would you rather be a leader or a member of a group? Leaders also learn a lot / experience asset