Topic: The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. Do you agree or disagree?
the old is more suitable
It is not uncommon that elderly people as a leader of organizations run the company, so as the young people. I deem that the old is more suitable. There are couples of reasons.
The senior elderly policymakers are more likely to be perceptive of the pros and cons of business development, leading a company a suitable direction because of the experiences they gained. Those experiences bring them not only keen insight of making decisions but better cognitive skills, such as big-picture thinking and long-term vision. Moreover, the working stability of the old generation is more higher since they used to have pressure on family-caring, mortgage-loading and relocation difficulty, which consequently leads an entity to have more values and benefits to be created.
Additionally, interpersonal relationship also can not be excluded. The old director are mature enough to possess communication skills of handling negotiations with all walks. These personal traits bring an organization a foundation of smoothly running a company, preventing split and dissent from within.
The young, admittedly, have their edges as well. Passion and creativity are the most impressive characteristics among them. The young leaders tend to think out of the box, break the rules and operate an entity in a cross-age way. However, this is limited to managing a small group of people. When it comes to running a large scale company, due to lack of experience in tacking every aspect of the departments and the suspicion of credibility from subordinate, a young leader faces more challenges than an old leader.
In a nutshell, whether a leader is supposed to be young or old should depends on the experiences, ability, and scale of the company. I agree that the older people are more suitable for being a leader, especially in a bigger company, and vice versa.
Jian, try to avoid using the wrong comparative form in your essays. You cannot say "more higher" because it creates somewhat of a repetition in terms. It is better to say "higher" in this instance. You also must never say "can not" because that is a contraction. "Cannot" is the more popular contraction form and also makes more sense when reading it because the meaning of "can not" indicates both an ability and inability to complete a move ( can= possible not= impossible). Remember the singular-plural rules. When you refer to a "director" that is one person. The reference to this in your essay as "... old director are" is incorrect because of the plural rules. "Are" refers to several, you should have used "is" which is singular.
With the main grammar issues out of the way, I would now like to point out an error in your Task Accuracy presentation. The essay prompt is asking the question:
Do you agree or disagree?
Therefore the response should be:
I disagree that young people can be leaders for two reasons.
The prompt gave you a choice for the response which should be reflected in your response statement, which is part of the prompt paraphrase. You need to use the keyword as required in the essay to indicate proper understanding of the prompt requirements. Your response in the prompt paraphrase is more applicable as a topic sentence for the first reasoning paragraph of your essay.
Your second reasoning paragraph is good but lacking in examples which can deliver a strong supporting statement for the reasoning presented in that paragraph. Always try to present a complete paragraph development by including an easily understandable example at the end of the paragraph.
The concluding paragraph could also be better developed by using the summary of topic sentences from the reasoning paragraphs. That shows a complete summary of the discussion, rather than the current presentation which seems to have just the repeated explanation of your opinion of the discussion topic.
Hi, with your essay, i believe that Contributor Holt has already run through all of your grammatical and task response problems.
So i just want to discuss with you more about your ideas and the way you organised them, as a reader.
It seem to me that it is not convincing enough to agree that the senior has better communication skills, according to your second reasoning paragraph. The youth still can manage the conversation very well. This is the matter of interpersonal skills, regardless of the age. You need to improve your reasoning more, instead of just imposing your idea, without caring it is persuasive or not.
For example, i would like to rewrite your second body paragraph like this:
Additionally, the senior usually has stronger interpersonal connection with their collaborators. It is because his old age is an advantage which helps him gain more respect from others due to the common conception of our society that is " respect older''. Moreover, for the senior who works in the company, with other colleages for a long time before he is appointed the chief position, it's obvious that he has closer and deeper relationships. These are extremely helpful for the leader to run company smoothly, prevent split and dissent from within.
It is just my personal opinion, i hope to hear from you too!
Thanks for the comment.
I revised the first paragraph giving an example:
"Take Steve Jobs, the former CEO of Apple Inc., as an example. Because of his experience in managing titan, and the vision to develop uncharted new technology integrated into cell phone, he announced the first generation of smart phone in 2007 and as a consequence Apple became the most valuable company in the world."
The second one should be shorter because the whole writing limits to 300 words:
"Additionally, interpersonal relationship also cannot be excluded.
The senior already has a closer and deeper relationship with their collaborators. This brings an organization a foundation of smoothly running a company, preventing split and dissent from within. "
And the conclusion:
"In a nutshell, a leader should be senior enough to run a company because they have better working experiences, ability, and interpersonal skills, especially in a bigger enterprise."
Avoid using any informal expressions such as " pros and cons", "in a nutshell "
Your position is not consistent throughout the essay, it seems that you start your essay with one-sided opinion approach then end with a balanced- opinion approach :
Your thesis statement says that old is more suitable, while in your conclusion you say that it depends on several factors and the young could be better too in sepecial circumstances.
TRY to read your thesis statement before writing each body paragraph to decide the best matching ideas.