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WE COULD NEVER LEARN TO BE BRAVE AND PATIENT, IF THERE WERE ONLY JOY IN THE WORLD


chauvy2002 2 / 1  
Apr 15, 2018   #1
"WE COULD NEVER LEARN TO BE BRAVE AND PATIENT, IF THERE WERE ONLY JOY IN THE WORLD". HOW FAR DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS QUOTE? IN WHAT WAY IS OUR HAPPINESS LINKED TO OUR ABILITY TO OVERCOME OBSTACLES IN LIFE?

my work:

happiness versus obstacles in life



Everyone is bound to encounter ups and downs in life and life's greatest lessons are learned through hardships, and according to Helen Keller: "We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world". I totally agree with this quote.

From my perspective, the quote means that only by facing challenges do we gain bravery and patience and if life is always a bowl full of cherries, we may not improve ourselves. Patience is the ability to wait or continue doing despite difficulties. Bravery is defined as being courageous behavior and is the virtue that is hard to acquire. Tackling problems requires boldness to take actions and persistence in trying and even keeping faith. It also helps us gain more mental strength. If we are continually filled with happiness, life may seems so effortless and we will never be better at it. Joy can not teach us to be daring and calm nor get hold of our feelings.

Our happiness and ability to overcome obstacles in life are closely related. It is obvious that we will feel relief and happy whenever we manage to encounter barrier successfully. The pleasure motivates us to do more bravely in life and get more experience. And, when we fail once or twice, the happiness that we gained before also makes us resilient and start over. Happiness is about being able to make the most of the good times and to cope efficiently with the bad times as we are in a fixed mindset and connect closely with others.

sisi999 2 / 5 2  
Apr 15, 2018   #2
Overall, to some extent I understood where you stood with respect to your agreement with the quote given. However, I had a difficulty reading through as there were several grammar mistakes here and there. This lead to some sentences being confusing.

For instance:
It is incorrect to say "being courageous behaviour"
"and is the virtue that is hard to acquire" could be changed to "difficult virtue to acquire"

Another example: "Tackling problems requires boldness to ..."
I had a rough time comprehending what you were trying to convey with this sentence. You defined bravery and then you suddenly started talking about how to tackle problems. If you were attempting to give an example on how bravery helps or is important for tackling problems, then it would be better to add "For example,...". Another issue I had with this sentence is the lack of commas. With no commas, everything gets mixed together and the meaning of the sentence is lost.

The sentence may be changed as follows:
"For example, tackling problems requires the boldness, to take action, and the persistence, to try and keep faith, that come with bravery."

I am in no means an expert, nonetheless I hope my comment turns out to be useful in some way.
Nexus54 1 / 1 1  
Apr 15, 2018   #3
1. One main issue of your essay is the lack of a conclusion.
2. Your paragraphs are lacking some examples, some illustrations in order to support your arguments.
3. Some ideas might not be clearly interpreted, some sentences are ambiguous, so here are some of my suggestions :

... the ability to wait keep waiting or continue doing maintain an existing state of action despite difficulties.
... as being courageous behavior behavioral courageous and is the virtue ...
... in trying and even keeping faith.
... be better at it handling challenges. Joy can not teach us to be daring ...(This sentence is simply wrong. If you are using or/nor, you must be careful. Suggestion: Joy can neither teach us to be calm and daring nor let us get hold of our feelings)

... we manage to encounter overcome barriers successfully.
... motivates us to do act more bravely ...
And, (Remove comma) when we fail ... that we have gained before ...
... to make the most out of the good ... and connected closely with each others.
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,323 1846  
Apr 17, 2018   #4
Chau, the academic focus of your discussion is confusing because you have tried to explain a quote, without really understanding what it means on a personal basis. When responding to explanation essays, the focal point of the discussion must be on the applicability of the essay in your everyday life or a specific situation in your life. By explaining how the quote refers to you on a personal basis, the reader gains a more practical understanding of the quote. There is no need for you to restate the quote at the beginning nor indicate where the quote came from. That is just a word filler that the examiner will realize you have done because you lack a proper understanding of the text so you are hoping to simply fill the time and space with words that do not really offer a pointed explanation of the quote. This is a terribly developed essay because it doesn't deliver an actual and usable explanation of the quote. You tried to explain the superficial or shallow meaning of the quote when what is required, is a deep and insightful definition instead. Next time, approach this from a personal analytical point of view instead.


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