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"You can learn about the character of a country from the way that treat animal" - Practice again


thuy_nguyet 5 / 13  
Feb 5, 2017   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
"You can learn about the character of a country from the way that treat animal"


Life of animals among humans



Being a human, we have to love animal and give them the great treatment because it prove the love of human. However, I don't think we can examine the character of a country from the way they treat animal for 3 reasons - culture, economy and psychology aspect.

The first aspect we have to consider is the culture. We can't talk someone is the bad guy because they don't love and treat animal well. In some country in Asia such as China or Vietnam, the native people is educated about love and how to have a great behavior with others and help a lot of people as much as possible. However, they aren't taught about animal treatment and they can eat everything such as dog, cat and some pets. It is the culture and the culture is formed for thousand years. We can't tell they are wrong or bad because they are different us.

The second reason is psychology aspect. Human have a habit is consider others because the way they are distinct us. For example, some tradition nation such as Arab Saudi or India think the woman shouldn't wear short skirts and many tradition people have a bad thought about modern girls - who wear the hot dresses. It is so meaningless. Turning back about our topic, we can't learn about the character of a person or country because the way they treat with animal. It's so personal.

The finally is economy aspect. In some poor country, the human have nothing to eat and the hundreds of child die per day. When we are in the bad circumstance, we can't care too much for the others. What do you think about the famous picture which people can feed the abandon dog but don't really care about the homeless? In some case, we have to choose the best solution - focus just for the most important thing with the limited source - and we have to quit anothers.

When we consider about something, we have to examine for many aspects such as culture, economy and psychology. That is the reason I don't think we can learn about the character of a country from the way that treat animal.

forbetterdani 2 / 2 1  
Feb 5, 2017   #2
Hi Pal. I am not sure about what this writing is for, but before you read my feedback, I want you to know that I base my review on academic writing style. If you do a casual or semi-formal writing, then just neglect the redfeedback. I hope it is helpful.

Academic writing style uses the third-person point of view. Thus, the word I, we and us should be avoided and use passive form instead. E.g.

However, I don't think we can examine the character of a country >>>> However, it is unreasonable to judge the character of a country


....culture, economy and psychology aspect. >>>> cultural, economic and psychological aspects. (adjective + noun)

It is the culture and the culture is formed for thousand years. [repetition]>>>> It is their culture and this have been formed for thousands of years

.....they are different from us.

Your second body paragraph does not belong to this topic. It makes your writing lack of coherence.

In some poor countries, people have nothing to eat and they have to feed hundreds of children everyday.

After reading your writing thoroughly, i find that your reasoning does not strongly stick to the topic, especially your second body paragraph. I suggest you to include "animal" in each paragraph to give better coherence.

Keep writing pal :)
OP thuy_nguyet 5 / 13  
Feb 5, 2017   #3
is formed for thousand years. [repetition]>>>> It is their culture and this have been formed for thousands of years

Thanks for your advice. I will try my best and limit my mistakes =))
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Feb 6, 2017   #4
Nguyet, your summary overview along with your personal opinion is good. However, it is too short to be considered a completely developed paragraph. Try to aim for at least 3 sentences per paragraph, maximum of 5 in order to gain a better task accuracy score. Your comprehension skill is scored in the very first paragraph of the essay so it is crucial that you do your best in the very first paragraph of the essay. In this sort of essay, after you present your first pronoun personal opinion, you should shift to the 3rd person pronoun throughout because you are discussing ideas and opinions related to second hand information. Therefore, it is not good to use second person or first pronoun references in the essay. Overall though, this is a very good discussion that should have a pretty decent score even with the minimal problems the developed essay possesses.
OP thuy_nguyet 5 / 13  
Feb 6, 2017   #5
@Holt
Thanks for your advice. I will limit the first pronoun.


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