you will not learn much about life if you are always comfortable
many of us wants to learn about life in comfortable and in easy way without any hardship, it is just like wanting to earn a money without a job which is impossible but knowing about life by facing struggle push you more further in life, helps you know more about life. if you earn something in life without any struggle it means nothing or its value becomes zero.
we all know that hard work always pays off sooner or later, so we always need to keep trying until and unless we achieve our goals. from the barbarian stage to this technological era nothing have just evolved by the snap of the finger, it took lots of time and hard work.so, if we all want to gain something we have to work for it we have to give everything we have got. for example, its just like the game of snake and ladders where there will be ups and downs and at last victory.
nowadays coming generation have all facilities they don't have to go outside work hard to full fill there desires because there parents provide them all they want which makes there children dependent. parents wont be there all the time beside you, the time will come when they have to face the outer world on there own, so living life in the comfortable way makes you parasite because I was parasite too at some time, I never faced problems in my life I was just like the shadow of my parents I never worked on my own which made me weaker than others. to gain confidence and to grow stronger we have to do every thing on our own.
by working hard on your own you will know the actual taste of the victory it will fell whole better than achieving something comfortably. you will learn more better and you will be more matured in life by facing obstacles on your own. learning about life by facing problem gives your way more experience than learning comfortably. you will be in whole new level than the others and most important you will be more satisfied with yourself.
learning about life with ease never helps you to move forward you will always remain in the same place where you were before so, we should come out from our comfort zone start pushing our own limit which helps us to learn more about the life.
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Kindly remember that there are certain writing rules that are a hard rule for the English language, regardless of whether it is UK or USA English. One of the hard rules is that all sentences must begin with a capital letter, something that forgot about while writing your essay. This is a serious error that will have a direct effect on the way your writing is scored. Be careful next time. Familiarize yourself with the basic writing rules of English and make sure to follow these with every essay that you write.
While you did write quite a long essay, I am afraid that your errors in presentation are not going to help your score. There are sentence structure and word usage problems that show how you were concentrated only on writing in English. You did not care to make sure that you used the words properly to help deliver the meaning of your sentence / paragraph. I am not impressed by this type of writing and neither will this impress the examiner. Work on the grammar rules and vocabulary. Make sure the words are used in the correct manner to deliver clarity to your sentence. You can write the minimum number of words and get a better score than what you would have gotten with this type of presentation in an actual test. There is the right time and place to use idioms in your writing. An essay full of idioms is not one of those places.
Essay sounds quite good! One advice from me is that all sentences must begin with a capital letter. Thanks!
in comfortable and in easy way: "in a comfortable and easy way" or "in comfortable and easy ways".
You can also use "long to" or "desire to" instead of "want to".
I think this sentence "it is just like wanting to earn a money without a job which is impossible but knowing about life by facing struggle push you more further in life, helps you know more about life" is quite long and does not clearly deliver your idea due to the structure.
earn a money: earn money
There're many repeated words that make your essay less attractive as well.