This essay is for my IELTS preparation class but I did it in more than 40 minutes. Anyway, do tell me my mistakes and give me great suggestions. And if you could, please tell me what band score you think I will get for my IELTS with this writing. Thanks before !
Why should we learn how to operate a computer?
As technology is advancing, the scale of computer use is indeed increasing. Computers, widely known, are used by big companies as well as individuals. However, despite the many advantages computers offer, many people still do not have any interest in learning more about the sophisticated gadget. This essay will discuss some reasons why we should learn how to operate a computer.
Firstly, computers are efficient. They ease people's onerous jobs by offering them handful software and applications. To illustrate, rather than writing manually by hands, an author can benefit from the use of Microsoft Word. With the facilities Microsoft Word provides such as word counter and vocabulary and grammar checker, the author can save his time thus able to finish within his deadline. Moreover, computers are able to perform difficult tasks. For example, a food company sets its products to contain 10% salt. It is obvious that a computer will have a better proximity than a human which is why the former is much more favored to add the salt needed.
Secondly, computers offer a quicker way to gain information which is by providing an internet access. Up to this moment, many internet browsers and applications have been invented, for instance, Mozilla Firefox, Google search engine and Microsoft Outlook to organize emails. These applications surely contribute a lot to a much easier way to gain information.
Finally, computer skills are required to be hired in companies these days. Imagine if two candidates are interviewed, one of which knows nothing about computers while the other does. The employer will definitely hire the latter. Furthermore, with computer skills, one can build his own company and expand his business. He could perhaps work online and export his goods or service.
In a nutshell, I personally think that people should learn how to operate a computer that seems to offer a number of benefits rather than drawbacks.
(313 words)
Is this a real IELTS topic?
It should include a prompt and a question type (telling you how to organise your essay, like agree/disagree, discuss, etc) I'm just checking because it doesn't seem like it... @@
the sophisticated gadget
Nice! I like this term...
Capitalize Internet.
You gave good topic sentences for the paragraphs! So.. that shows good "structure" in the essay. However, the purpose of good structure is to support a strong expression of ideas, and the CONCLUSION paragraph is a very important part of that expression.
After you have supported your main idea well in the body paragraphs, sermonize a little in the conclusion! Don't let the conclusion be so brief.
:-)
