Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

[IELTS Task2] learning a different language benefits our lives apart from working and traveling


katty1234600 1 / 1  
Oct 5, 2017   #1
Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


foreign language knowledge



In modern society, it is convenient to travel to foreign countries and even work in foreign countries. Languages, as a result, can play vital part in traveling or living in different countries. Some people said that traveling to and working in a foreign country is the sole reason why people learn a new language, while others believed that not only traveling or working, but also other reasons that attributed to why people should learn other languages.

It is true that learning a foreign language is important for people who travel to and work in a different country. If we cannot speak local language, we are unlikely to communicate with local residents and sometimes language barrier can cause misunderstanding. Moreover, multi-language skill is quite necessary in today's working environment. International business and corporation between corporations from different countries require employees to travel, work, and even live in another country.

However, leaning another language can have a great positive impact in our daily lives besides from working and traveling. We can have a better understanding of a county's culture and history through learning its language. Many traditions and cultures passed down by language in early years when words were still not being invented. Furthermore, learning new language is the fastest way to integrate into local life. It allows us to really experience local life style and understand local habits. Besides, we can learn to use different angles to see things, so that we will be able to think critically and more comprehensive.

For me, after learning second language, I feel I have more connection with the world even without traveling, I learn to see global affairs not in one angle, but in different aspects. Without a doubt, I believe that learning a different language benefits our lives apart from working and traveling. Through learning, we can broaden our views and increase our skills

(311 words)
Please give me feedbacks and comments (and also approximately band descriptor :D )

Holt - / 7,608 2001  
Oct 5, 2017   #2
Lin, your score for this essay will fall somewhere between a 5 and 6. There are some problems with your overall presentation, specifically in the opening statement and paragraph 3. The opening paraphrase is not properly formatted. You have included a major discussion of future points for discussion in a paragraph that does not require it. Doing so will result in a lower TA score. The proper presentation should be what you might ask? Well;

Some people are of the opinion that learning a second language should be limited to those who will be working overseas. While others believe that there are other reasons that justify learning a new language aside from the previously mentioned reason. This essay will compare both points of view before I present my opinion regarding the discussion.

You must only present information that is included in the original prompt. Under no circumstances should you present a discussion of facts as you did in this opening statement as that is a deviation of the basic paraphrasing rules. Just write your explanation of what the prompt is all about. Don't add information yet, you don't have the space nor sentence requirement to properly do that in the opening statement.

I think you got confused in paragraph 3. For some reason, you are making reference to how history was passed down before language was invented. What does that have to do with the discussion about languages? Don't confuse yourself. Always concentrate on the prompt requirements and make sure to double check the prompt before you submit the essay for scoring to be sure that is no confusion in your discussion.

Finally, you cannot present the concluding statement as a part of your personal opinion. You must present your personal opinion as a stand alone paragraph because that contains information that should never be presented in a conclusion. You cannot present additional information in the conclusion because that will not close the discussion. It will only leave it open ended, waiting for a proper summary of the discussion in order to close the essay.
OP katty1234600 1 / 1  
Oct 5, 2017   #3
@Holt
Really appreciate for your comments and advice. I will improve myself.
Thank you
monopolymi 4 / 8  
Oct 6, 2017   #4
Hi, I agree with @Holt that you should make a simple conclusion. Another important thing is that make sure you give examples in paragraph 2 and 3. You will receive a higher score by giving examples. Cheers!
Ganesh Mumar 5 / 6 3  
Oct 7, 2017   #5
@katty1234600
In 3rd Paragraph, I think you are trying to say that culture is embedded in language and through it we can learn their tradition, value and will able to reduce the misunderstanding across cultures.

I suggest, you could support with examples or explanation for the points mentioned.
Jimmy879873 26 / 56 13  
Oct 17, 2017   #6
Hi Katty, from what I can see from your essay is that shorten the paraphrasing. State your opinion in your thesis statement explicitly. Make sure you are clearly leaning on one side if you are not making a balance opinion essay. Also, I think you can talk about how history related to learning a different language although it needed to be more relevant.

Hope that helps.


Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task2] learning a different language benefits our lives apart from working and traveling