hai iqbal, there is no doubt that your writing is good. However, i have many comments that i hope can make you writing to be more perfect.
Nowadays, foreign-language skill is important for people around world. As such, lots of people believe that children should learn about language from other countries beginning in the earliest grades because it is the appropriate time to have long-term memorizing. However, others argue that it is not good enough to force children to study foreign language as children cannot follow the second-language subject. Whilst it is true to some extent, I would argue that it is better for children to begin learning about foreign language in the earliest grades to have good language skill for their live in the future.
you have to rewrite the red sentence inasmuch as you have used this sentence 2 times in one paragraph.
With regard to this case, children have excellent brain to learn about foreign language. The recent studies demonstrate that the best time to pick up new language is when children still young as early as possible. This is because their brain can remember various vocabularies in different meaning easily and fast. As a result, young children will be benefited to take experience of studying the language in long time.
in a point of my view, this paragraph is too week. let me give a strong paragraphOne of the reasons that children should discover a foreign country is that the children in the earliest grade are in the golden age. For this reason, golden age is the stage that children can memorize thousands of vocabulary. The 2003 study conducted by Indonesian children authorities demonstrated that 85 percent of people who are of an ability to speak like a native had learn english since they were in the earliest grade. From this indisputable fact, the children have to study a foreign language when they are in either an elementary school or a playground.
*there are many countable nouns that you did not add an article. you are able to find by yourself. :) thank you