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IELTS task II Learning by Gadgets than books.


Apsari 7 / 20 1  
Apr 11, 2014   #1
Hello friends, I need your advice in my writing. Thanks a lot for you time :)

Learning is now based more and gadget than books in some schools. Discuss advantages and disadvantages.
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Nowadays, new technology program and tools are increasing and always update in every generations. Learning also change in every change years, it is more modern such learning by gadgets, books almost not famous stuff in some school. Now, I am a student in the modern era which gadgets are similar useful like the book function. The advantages of gadgets and books in the schools social are gadget is more be able to bring in everywhere and students can also search information subject when they connect with internet. The other advantages of book functions are students can read directly and just concentrate in the subject of book. In other hand, there also has disadvantages of gadgets and books function such gadgets can broke eyes of students if they watch their gadgets in much time and they will not concentrate in their education value because they can able to open another program in their gadget. The disadvantages of books in education are its heavy stuff in the students bring many books in their bag also in the future books will be give negative impact in the environmental as global warming.

Firstly, the advantages of gadget are easier to bring in everywhere than books and they can also search information about education value directly by connected internet. For example, gadget is the modern tools which it is designed to easy to bring in every time, everywhere, and every people. Gadget also has many functional to use and it is design for lifestyle also, so it will be comfort in hands of human. The other advantages of book function are the education value that students have to learn by books directly. It also helps them to concentrate in the subject of book. Books have completes and exercise of every subject.

Secondly, disadvantages of gadget can give radiation in student's body and they are in children ages cannot concentrate in their subject schools because gadget give a lot of entertainment program also inside. It means the value of education is less than books and will give negative impact in children bodies. The other disadvantages books are it is heavy stuff because they have to bring their book in everywhere also it would give negative impact in environmental as global warming because book are made from the trees.

To sum up, the parents have to know about the best education for their children. In my opinion, the books are more useful than gadgets. From a long time ago until todays, books are always number one of education value.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Apr 11, 2014   #2
Your introduction seems to be too lengthy and it might put you in trouble at the exam and you may run out of time to complete the task. Follow dumi's approach for the intro.
niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
Apr 11, 2014   #3
Learning is now based more and gadget than books in some schools.

based more on gadgets

Nowadays, new technology program and tools are increasing and always update in every generations. Learning also change in every change years, it is more modern such learning by gadgets, books almost not famous stuff in some school. Now, I am a student in the modern era which gadgets are similar useful like the book function. The advantages of gadgets and books in the schools social are gadget is more be able to bring in everywhere and students can also search information subject when they connect with internet. The other advantages of book functions are students can read directly and just concentrate in the subject of book. In other hand, there also has disadvantages of gadgets and books function such gadgets can broke eyes of students if they watch their gadgets in much time and they will not concentrate in their education value because they can able to open another program in their gadget. The disadvantages of books in education are its heavy stuff in the students bring many books in their bag also in the future books will be give negative impact in the environmental as global warming.[/quote]

I agree with Pahan. This is too lengthy.

Nowadays, educational technology and programsand tools are increasing and always updatedin every generation s. These educational changes affect the learning process due to the use ofLearning also change in every change years, it ismore modern such learning by gadgets; thus ,learning by books areis left behindalmost not famous stuff . ( Next is your point of view.)Based on your ideas, I try to neaten up your intro.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,198 464  
Apr 11, 2014   #4
Your introduction seems to be too lengthy and it might put you in trouble at the exam and you may run out of time to complete the task.

Yes, I agree with Pahan.

Look at the prompt more closely:

Learning is now based more and gadget than books in some schools. Discuss advantages and disadvantages.

Simply restate the question above. Then, you put a Hook, attracting readers' attention.

Let me give a try:
Educational gadgets have taken over textbooks. Some people claim that these small portable devices more actively promote effective learning in school. Some others, however, argue that textbooks give general guides on how to study systematically. Both views have merits and demerits. However, I think to overcome expenses and distance, students should learn through the gadgets.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 11, 2014   #5
Yes, your intro is overly lengthy. Hope you pay serious attention to what Pahan has suggested.
OP Apsari 7 / 20 1  
Apr 14, 2014   #6
Thank you for your advice, I think that I still cofused to make simple introduction and coclusion. And what about the body paragraph ? Is it true or i have to change it ?.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 14, 2014   #7
Ok, let's do an intro for this :)

Learning is now based more and gadget than books in some schools. Discuss advantages and disadvantages.

School plays an important role in one's learning process. (hook) However, some modern schools have little dependence on books in the process of delivering education to their students and instead they employ more high tech devices . (background - just paraphrase your prompt) In my view, there are both advantages and disadvantages in this approach. (opinion)
Abdurasul 32 / 86 4  
Apr 14, 2014   #8
Actually, you did well. But, what is surprising is that 422 words! Some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 40 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D - eddies
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Apr 14, 2014   #9
Yes, time is a very important aspect when you deal with IELTS and TOEFL tasks. With regard to word count you have it as many as you like so long as you exceed the minimum word count. However, the danger here is the time factor. If you waste time on any one paragraph by lengthening it unnecessarily, you would not have time to complete your essay. As dumi suggests above, follow the structure she has provided there. It is the best to handle both time and your score :)


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