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Learning language by children is very beneficial. It is my essay for IELTS writing task 2

megamedi 2 / 4  
Oct 20, 2016   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.

Language is the key of modern world, we cannot develop only one language in nowadays. I personally agree that learning language is very useful for children when they start at school's time. In the following paragraphs I will list personal, academic and professional sides to support my idea.

From the personal aspect, they faster recognize other countries' culture and they can obtain profitable experiences which they will need in life. For instance, the majority part of famous people started learning language very early as a result, they could gain their dreams and they have a lot of friends who live abroad.

From the academic side, Learning language early is beneficial to increase knowledge of children. For example, one of my classmate had been learning English since the first class. In the eighth class, he was very intelligence and he could get advantageous information through the strange books. It is evident from these examples that children who know foreign language are known with their knowledge than other children.

Coming to professional fact, Children can early absolve from their parents by earning money and they will easily find job if they know foreign languages. One particular decent example of this is that the majority part of employers require this type of youth. This example makes it clear that if children know foreign language, children will not have trouble on finding job.

By way of conclusion, learning language in early age is very essential and it bring a lot of benefits for all these sides. I hope that every parents will have children learnt foreign language in the future as years pass.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,686 3495  
Oct 20, 2016   #2
Abdullah, your response does not make too much sense in terms of reasoning and logic. Your presentation of each reason does not really create a valid reason for your belief in the benefits of learning a language from an early age. Take for instance your discussion about learning about other cultures and gaining from that experience. I am not sure how to process your reason because you did not clearly explain how having friends in other countries or obtaining a profitable experience from this justifies early language learning. You need to better develop your reasoning skills. Even in the academic side, there is a sense of confusion when you use the term "strange books". What exactly are these books that you consider strange? I can understand how your classmate had an advantage over the others in a common sense way that does not relate to your line of reasoning. Your final reason though, is flawed as not all jobs require one to have knowledge of a foreign language in order to be employed. Unless you are seeking employment in a call center. So you should rethink that particular part of your essay and revise it as necessary. Your conclusion is acceptable enough though and is actually the only part of your essay that currently makes proper sense.
OP megamedi 2 / 4  
Oct 20, 2016   #3
Wow, thanks, i knew my mistakes. if you were examiner what score out of 9 , would you put for this essay ???
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,686 3495  
Oct 20, 2016   #4
I am sad to say this but I would score you a 4 using the IELTS scoring band. The reason for such a low score as far as I am concerned, relates to your problems with developing the essay and presenting your thought process. You tried to discuss the task provided but you failed to do so in a relevant manner. It was confusing and inaccurate at some points. The ideas presented lacked coherency and a logical presentation as well. Most importantly, your lack of proper grammar made the essay difficult for me to understand as I read it. As I am sure that this is just one of your first tests, I would advise you not to worry about it. Just keep practicing and you should improve over time. Remember, gaining control or proper use of the English language happens over time. So you just need to be patient and not give up. You will definitely only get better from here.
OP megamedi 2 / 4  
Oct 20, 2016   #5
I am grateful from you. You are right that it is my first exam and initial essay. I will try to write good essay, Thanks again.
DJMI 1 / 2 1  
Oct 20, 2016   #6
[Correction] Language is key in the modern world, and we cannot develop ...
Personally and i agree are basically talking about the same thing, i'd advice the use of "i strongly agree with the following statement that ..."

I will give my own opinion not "i will list personal sides" and not "from the personal aspect", use "my opinion is..."

be specific, don't just use "they" unless the reader wont know what exactly you are writing about.
Languages don't recognize culture, Languages aid in identifying the culture of a person/ people form a certain country

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