A topic of great public debate at present is the rise of new technologies that collect personal information. Since no one really knows where such development will led our world, controversy over modern state, possibly becoming a new kind of dictatorship, is arising.
This is a case where you try to say too much in just a few sentences. I would take out the dictatorship part and give it its own sentence:
Since no one really knows where such development will led our world, controversy over modern state
possibly becoming a new kind of dictatorship is arising. Some are concerned that the nation is possibly becoming a new kind of dictatorship...
...and go on to really thoroughly soak the reader in the idea you are introducing.
Your essay will be about one big idea. It is not the same as the article's idea. Your response to the article is your own unique contribution.
Considering the interferance of new surveillance technologies in our lives, the risk of our life to become another "Truman Show" is increasing.---- here is another idea that I think requires more explanation than you give it. Either leave it out or write a whole paragraph about the Truman Show. I don't really think that movie is the best example of what you are saying... it was about commercialism I think.
This is thoughtful and interesting!! I hope you will add some of your own unique insights rather than just reporting what the article said. Give YOUR response to it.
Also, develop that intro paragraph a lot, so that the reader understands exactly what point you are making. Develop the intro so that the last sentence captures your unique contribution to this ongoing discussion, among scholars, about info collection.