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Learning a new language at any age is an anormously rewarding experience in many ways


Faisal_Aceh 2 / 1  
Feb 1, 2015   #1
All children should study a foreign language, starting in the earliest grades. To what extent do you agree or disagree to this statement ?

Language is one of communication tool which has all of countries around the world. Some people say that students must study other languages in primary school. I strongly believe that learning many languages is very important for children.

Learning a new language at any age is an anormously rewarding experience in many ways. While language learning is an enriching experience for all ages, children have the most to gain from this wonderful adventure. Quite simply, starting early offers the widest possible set of benefits an opportunity. Studying foreign language gives more advantages for children. Firstly, children understand intuitively that language is something to explore, to play around with and to enjoy. The quickness with which they pick up their first language is nearly and such a joy to watch as a parent. Secondly, students have better and more advanced reading skill.

In addition, a study undertaken by York University in Canada suggests that bilingual children's knowledge of a second language gives them an advantage in learning to read. Their ability to apply the insights and experiences of one language to the other as well as their wider experience of language gives them a big leg up, and children are always discovering new things.

However, learning foreign language has negative effect for students who are studying in primary schools. For instance, students have target to learn many lessons which are given by teacher in their schools as main subject which must be focussed by every student, so students are very difficult to learn other languages because learning language needs a long time to understand by children and they cannot manage their time to focus other courses. Therefore, children should only study primary subjects in their schools.

To sum up, it seems to me that the government and multiple stakeholders should use curriculums including new language to primary schools, and students will be easier to learn second language. Parents also should give support for their children to improve new knowledge.
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 1, 2015   #2
Helloo, Faisal. This is good written essay. To me, you do careful and do attend about your grammar and your content. However, I saw a slight mistaken in your thesis statement in the intro. Thesis statement should be debatable, by doing so, please add contra view besides "some people say that students must study other languages in primary school".

Straight forward to your bodies, you attempt to depict your view in a good manner. A little suggestion, just straight to the point. Write your main idea then support. For example in your 1st body, start your opinion about benefit of studying foreign language with "children understand intituively that languages is something to explore" then support with relevant example(s).Related to this, an example from York University can be mergered in a body.

In conclusion, your agreement position seems quite weak. While you make some recommendations, also state your postion in which "to what extend do you agree or disagree that all children should study foreign language".

I wish these quite help ^.^
fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Feb 2, 2015   #3
Hi Faisal_Aceh, I would like to give several comments and suggestions to your writing.
my comments is probably not complete. However, I suggest you to look at my comment in frt247 writing

Language is one of communication tool which has all of countries around the world

can you rewrite this sentence?

it should be :
Language is one of the communication tools which all countries throughout the world have.

what's more, you should make your first paragraph become much clearer as such a paragraph contains your thesis statement. I am of opinion, you should give a simple explanation for your argument. In addition, you should also give a balance view on the topic question.

you can look at the example of introduction paragraph for this topic in frt247 writing.

the widest possible set of benefits an opportunity

it should be :
possible sets of benefits for an opportunity

negative effect for students

it should be :
negative affect on students

students have targetto learn many lessons

it should be : targets / a target / the target

appropriate preposition = on

To sum up, it seems to me that the government and multiple stakeholders should use curriculums including new language to primary schools, and students will be easier to learn second language. Parents also should give support for their children to improve new knowledge.

suggestion :
...should give to support for...

I utterly believe that your conclusion is not clear, as you are fail to paraphrase your thesis statement in your first paragraph. this paragraph only consists of suggestion for the topic statement.

KEEP SPIRIT, KEEP STUDY.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Feb 2, 2015   #4
I strongly believe that learning many languages is very important for children.

As the word " very important" is too vague, you can add a specific reason why you say so. Let's say: I strongly believe that learning a foreign language is very important for children, as most of them who speak more than one language are able to solve specific tasks.

a study undertaken by York University in Canada suggests that bilingual children's knowledge of a second language gives them an advantage in learning to read.

This cannot be a topic sentence, as it contains detailed information. A topic sentence should be aligned with the prompt. Let's give a try: Apart from these tangible benefits, it is also believed that young children studying a foreign language will be more scientifically literate, as there are more reading activities on these days with the advent of devices like the internet and tablet technology. A 2001 York University study pointed out that...


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