Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Learning to play team sports is an important part of a child's education.


Mayank7g 9 / 17  
Mar 28, 2017   #1
Learning to play team sports is an important part of a child's education.
Do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.


Sports Education



There is no doubt that sports are as important as education to build any individual. While it is argued that it is necessary to learn team sports for children during their education period. In my opinion, it is quite important to do such activity while growing up. I will explain this in my essay.

Team sports should be an essential part of an education curriculum. This is because in this way children will learn how to apply themselves in a team. For example, If, a child will learn how to perform in a team through sports he will grasp that quickly and will be groomed up in a better team member on any field in future. However, if they do not participate in such activity then they might not develop such skills and as a consequence of this, they might fail to perform in a team in their future.

Furthermore, playing together in a team teach you many lessons like helping your partner, understanding everyone's strong and weak point. Due to these reasons, individual learns to perform at a time of crisis. For instance, Sundar Pichai who is the CEO of the Google admits in his blog that he learned team building skills from cricket which is an eleven member team sports. Thus, if we do not learn how to work in a team in adolescence then we might struggle in future.

In conclusion, although education is necessary, however, team building acting activity is equally important to learning different skills like knowing strength and weakness of team member and applying yourself in the tough situations.

Maitouyen282 9 / 26 3  
Mar 28, 2017   #2
@Mayank7g
Hi I am really excited about your work because I am studying IELTS too. from my point of view, your work is really amazing but you should look at some drawbacks which going to less your score.

Nowadays, there are various reason that make people become less exercising, they become tired, not energetic any more, so doing something outdoors is really good for their held, however so many people that discuss we should pay attention to some academic work because it will help them become success but they forgot that health is really important, they need help because it will decide success not money so learning sport is good

You should use more connection words such as by comparison or on the other hand, put some academic vocabuary show how much you understand english
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,355 2882  
Mar 28, 2017   #3
Mayank, there is a problem with your opening statement because it does not accurately represent the topic for discussion and the given instruction pertaining to how the topic is to be discussed in the essay. You were being asked to agree or disagree with the topic and, this opinion, should have been presented as part of the discussion outline from the very start. Without that instruction, the essay seems to have taken a prompt deviation in the discussion. Which, we both know is not the case. However, people will think that because you prompt instructions were incomplete in the opening statement. In order to gain a better score, you need to make sure that all requirements for the discussion are properly represented in the opening statement. Next, the conclusion totally went off base when it came to wrapping up the essay. The concluding statement did not reflect information about team sports and your agreement or non-agreement of the given topic. The topic is about learning to plan Team Sports, not about team building. Due to these serious errors, the only possible score I can give you for this essay is 4.


Home / Writing Feedback / Learning to play team sports is an important part of a child's education.