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"Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English?


tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Mar 31, 2009   #1
A column translated from an Egyptian newspaper, the column entitled: Leave it to Allah! I want to know whether it sounds good in English or not, including; grammar, language.It is not complete, however, I am not going to complete it till you comment on this part, since it is a very long article.

Thanks in advance[/i]

[i]Leave it to Allah!


All the mistakes of the ordinary people are forgiven except for those of the religious men. Since their mistakes are considered much graver in the eyes of the ordinary people, to the extent that they sometimes cannot believe that the religious people do make mistakes. The big proplem is that some use the mistakes of the religious men as an excuse to justify their own mistakes. For example, when you advise someone to stop smoking , he replies: " how come you do not want me to smoke when Sheik so-and-so himself smokes?! " Maybe they are right in some respects, as a man of God must be a model in his appearance and behavior. Moreover, he should remind people of Halal ( what is permitted ), and Haram ( what is forbidden ), and be a perfect example of easygoing, well-mannered, and honest person. But what is wrong is to believe that this person is infallible or has no mistakes at all! Therefore, they never expect him to get angry when someone teases him, or commit a sin when lured by life luxuries (temptations), or feel pain when afflicted by a disease. Furthermore, the way people look at him restricts him to certain kinds of conduct; for example, he should not be shown in particular places: It is totally forbidden if they catch him sitting in the café, and it is absolutely a major crime if he went to the beach and enjoyed the sight of the waves. That is regarding him, so, how would it be if they are talking about his wife, daughter and so on?!

But why am I saying that?! It is because I have called one of my friends to pray " Al-Eshah" prayer in Masjid ( the mosque ), however, he told me that he does not pray in Masjids at all! I was stunned and asked him: " why?!" He answered as if recalling some old memory: " it is a long story! "

To be continued...

EF_Team [Moderator] 41 / 222 15  
Mar 31, 2009   #2
It does not appear to be an academic project, does it? We cannot assist with projects unrelated to academic work.
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Mar 31, 2009   #3
pardon me, but what do you mean by an acadimic project, it is just a trnslated passage and I want to know whether it sounds good in English or not to improve my language !!!
EF_Team [Moderator] 41 / 222 15  
Mar 31, 2009   #4
An academic project is not equal 'a translation project.' Academic project requires to write something new unlike a translation project.
Rosamond 3 / 26  
Apr 1, 2009   #5
Try another passage, tasneem!
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Apr 1, 2009   #6
In fact, I have sent translated passages before. Besides, there are students who have already sent translated passages. Anyway, if it will make a problem,then you are free to remove it. It is ok with me.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 1, 2009   #7
No, it's okay, we just have to make sure that people don't put material here that is also on other websites. Actually, I found out that it is alright for me to help with it. Thanks for participating, and sorry for the trouble!

Maybe they are right in some respects; as a man of God, one must be a model in his appearance and behavior. Moreover, he should remind people of Halal ( what is permitted ), and Haram ( what is forbidden )

Above, you don't need to put a space between the ( and the word. Just do this:

Halal (what is permitted), and Haram (what is forbidden).

... and it is absolutely a major crime if he goes to the beach and enjoys the sight of the waves.

This is translated very well! It sounds great in English.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Apr 1, 2009   #8
"All the mistakes of the ordinary people are forgiven except for those of the religious men" I don't know if this is what the original text said, but I am guessing you might want to revise it along these lines: "All the mistakes of the ordinary people are forgiven by society except for those of the religious men." Otherwise, you make it sound as if it is Allah who is doing the forgiving, in which case it sounds as if you are saying it is okay for ordinary people to do whatever they want, which I assume is not what you, or the original author, is arguing.
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Apr 2, 2009   #9
Thanks for help indeed. Sorry for causing trouble.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 2, 2009   #10
No trouble!
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Apr 2, 2009   #11
This is a new piece of translation, I would be grateful if you have a look. Thanks in advance.

One of the misery pictures!

I left my office in the evening heart broken, as the sight of that woman and her child could not get out of my mind. It seemed as if I was destined to face misery wherever I go. I saw a child hardly ten years old standing before his tray of lupins. Althogh, it was still raining, the boy remained as he was waiting for someone to buy his lupins. It was getting dark and cold. I did not know, however, what pushed me to remain with that poor seller. I stayed there for a while but no one came. I then began to realize that he was hungry. An officer suddenly appeared out of the blue. The boy got scared, held the tray, and was about to escape from the " the law representative ". Nonetheless, out of fear, he slipt, fell down, and all the lupins scattered everywhere. I saw the young lad then creeping and picking up his fortune of lupins one by one! He would also kneel down to free one of his lupins from under the officer's shoes. In any case, what kind of good would a grain of lupin hold?!!

( Or is it better to say: what kind of good would a grain of lupin hold any way?!! )

______________________________________________

____He did not not find anything in the box, though

( however).

Is there any alternatives except for however.

__ I'd better do....

I'd is the short for : I had better, or I would better.

__ I had: Is there an abbreviation for it in English ?

__ Not long after. What does it mean ?

__ what is the difference between : souther Tehran, and to the south of Tehran ?

__ Which one is used : large god , or a big dog ?

__ Man used to draw pictures on the walls of their caves?

man was able to exploit nature fro their own sake and have advantage over animals.

Why using their? Is man treated as singular or plural?

__ Two sciences are ( combined _ fused _ mixed _

integrated ), which werb shall we use ?

Thanks in Advance.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Apr 3, 2009   #13
"Are there any alternatives except for however?" Consult a thesaurus for a comprehensive answer to this question.

I'd is short for "I had better" in this case. Note that the same contraction could be used for "I would," though, as in "I'd write more, but this should be clear enough."

"Not long after" = Soon after, shortly after.

"southern Tehran," would refer to the southern part of the city. "to the south of Tehran" would refer to some location outside of Tehran, to the South.

"large god , or a big dog" Both adjectives are fine, though the choice of noun depends on context, obviously.

Replace "man" in your examples with "Men" or "Humans"
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 3, 2009   #14
Cool, thanks Sean.

About the "man," thing... "man" is not exactly used as plural. It is synonymous with "mankind" and "humankind." However, it is old-school chauvinism to say "man" when you could say humankind.

In sentences, though, you treat it as singular:

This is a weird year for humankind.

This is a weird year for mankind.

This is a weird year for man.

I like "humankind."
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Apr 4, 2009   #15
Thanks for help indeed, but why you dod not comment on the translation?!!
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Apr 4, 2009   #16
which one is correct:

In the evening of the same day , or on the evening of ?
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Apr 4, 2009   #17
"on the evening of" is correct.

Comment on the translation: Not bad. A few sentences seem a bit awkward:

"I left my office in the evening heart broken, as the sight of that woman and her child could not get out of my mind."

"and was about to escape from the " the law representative ""

Also, the sentences don't flow together all the time. However, they may not have done so in the original passage, so that might not be a flaw in your translation, per se.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 5, 2009   #18
Tasneemspring, it's time for everyone to start giving substantial reviews and critiques of 2 other people's essays every time they post something they want help with. Even if you don't start a new thread, give some help every time you want help. That will free up some time for us, as we can refer to other people's reviews as we give our own.
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Apr 5, 2009   #19
Thanks for help indeed, and these are new translations. Thanks in advance.

The most wonderful things in the world!

What is the most wonderful thing in the world? Is it the plane that flies faster than a bird? Or is it the wireless that transmits your voice across the world in a blink? Or is it the giant tree that lives for thousands of years

(thousand years)? Or is it the huge telescope that presents us with the secrets of the sun and the stars? Is it the computer, the satellite TV channels, the mobile, or the internet? No, it is none of them, it is rather nearer to you than them all! It is something you meet, live with, and care about everyday, it is your own body! The muscles that enable you to move, the bones that strengthen the muscles, the blood that provides them with energy, the telephone net and the other links that connect all of these elements together, besides the main control station in the body; the brain. All these things are the most wonderful things in the world.

All living beings which we are part of were basically created from a jell-like substance called protoplasm, which is sometimes called the soul of life. Water does form at least three quarters of this substance. The amazing thing to know is that if we extract the water from our strong and solid bodies, then only one quarter will remain.

____________________________________________________________ ________

Respect other's desire to talk about themselves!

If you want to know how to make people avoid talking to you, or even undermine and humiliate you, then keep on taking about yourself, and never listen to the others or pay attention to them while talking. In addition, if an idea strikes your mind during their talk, do not wait till they finish, but rather interrupt them at once and say what you have!

However, if you did the opposite, be certain that you are going to win people's love and friendship. The truth is that if you wish the others to love and get closer to you, then you should be a good listener. As this kind of attitude asserts your respect and admiration for the other side and the importance of what he is saying.

In the same respect, always remember when you talk to people that they are hundreds of times more interested in expressing themselves, and their needs and problems than they are in you personally and your own problems. As a cut in the neck is much more painful than an earthquake in the American continent! And having a bad tooth deserves much concern than an aeroplane crash in Russia!

To put it differently, if you desire to gain people's love, you ought to be a good listener. In doing so, you have to pay attention to what the other side is saying, and try to use the body language, for instance: looking at the speaker and nodding every now and then, in a way that shows your interest in what he is saying. You may also ask him some questions based on the information provided in order to encourage him to keep talking and dwell on.

Furthermore, listening to the others is one of the crucial qualities to achieve success in practical life. For instance, there are many people who prefer to deal with a certain doctor to the others, merely because he listens to their complains, discusses their states with them, and offers them plenty of time to talk about their pains. This kind of good listening and apparent (clear) interest may help the patient to recover quickly.

_______________________________________________________________

A few sentences seem a bit awkward:

"I left my office in the evening heart broken, as the sight of that woman and her child could not get out of my mind."

I really do not undersatnd what is the wrong with it, does it have something to do with grammer?!!
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Apr 5, 2009   #20
Are these expressions corect in English:

A cold winter's afternoon.

Seize the first oppotunity ( is there another alternative for this sentence? )

Tell(Send) someone my regards.

The care went off . I mean to say I drove off my car, does the first sentence give this meaning?

Thanks for help indeed.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 5, 2009   #21
Or is it the giant tree that lives for thousands of years
(thousand years)? It depends on the original meaning. But you would not write, "lives for thousand years..."

You would write, "Lives for thousands of years..." but are there any trees that actually live that long?

No, it is none of them; it is rather nearer to you than them all! It is something you meet, live with, and care about everyday; it is your own body!--- this one needs those semi-colons... so that it does not have run-on sentences.

...the ability to listening to the others is one of the crucial qualities to achieve success in practical life.

In the evening, I left my office feeling heart broken, as I could not get the sight of that woman and her child out of my mind. This is better. It was grammatically correct before, but this is smoother.

This kind of good listening and apparent (clear) (does it mean that the interest was obvious? Like, it was easy to see that the patient was being listened to? In that case, say this:

This kind of good listening, listening while showing real interest, may help the patient to recover quickly.

A cold winter's afternoon. ---- > Good! It is right.

Seize the first opportunity ---> This has MANY alternatives. "Exploit the first opportunity." How about that?

This is good: Send someone my regards.

I drove off in my car. Or... I got in my car and drove off.
Rosamond 3 / 26  
Apr 6, 2009   #22
The care went off

To go off : to explode or burst out .

I drove off in my car. Or... I got in my car and drove off.

That is how it is said! Well done!

"Exploit the first opportunity." How about that?

I like "snatch\seize\grasp" better
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Apr 6, 2009   #23
Thanks fro help indeed. Howevr, I want to know if theses transaltions sound good in English or not ? and how good they are ?
______________________________________________________________

but are there any trees that actually live that long?

Of course there are. As there are humans who live for hundreds of years, there are trees that live for thousands of years!!

____________________________________________________________ ___

This is a new one. Thanks in advance.

The Palestinian poet

Abraham Toucan
After finishing his studies in Al-Mataran school in Jerusalem 1922-1923, Abraham Toucan moved to the American University in Beirut. There, they called him " the university poet! "

His sister Fadwa Toucan said at the beginning of her diwan: " In 1929, Toucan got his certificate and was indulged the foamy and stormy way of life! Teacher..teacher..teacher! That was the word that many of the graduates had called him with on the day of the distribution of the certificates. However, Toucan told himself: " After all the hardwork and suffering, they come and choose to be teachers! What the Heavens are they thinking of ?! How limited their ambitions are!

He was was not born to be a teacher. However, the circumstances went against his will, and he could not work as a journalist in Egypt.

Therefore, he returned to his home; Palestine and began teaching at Al-Najah national school in Nables. After one year, he went to teach at the American university in Beirut. Nonetheless, two years later, he resigned his job and worked as a teacher at Al-rasheedia school in Jerusalem. Then, he was totally fed up with his job, so, he wrote his poem " The teacher who is a poet " to express his feelings of distress. That poem, however, had imposed itself upon us for more than one reason!

In 1936, Toucan received his new job as a supervisor of the Arabic station in Jerusalem radio station. Nevertheless, some villains had conspired agaist him, and he was dismissed from his job in 1940.

Nevertheless, in the evening of the same, he was offered a job at the rural teachers college in Baghdad. It was not two months before he fell sick and returned to Nables. After that, he was transferred to a French hospital in Jerusalem, where he passed away. Toucan was finally relieved from life's grieves in the evening of Friday, May 2nd 1941.
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Apr 6, 2009   #24
The only images most of us have seen are those of recent times, of Baghdad and other Arabic places. You bring a sense of the Arabic culture and your own love for it too can be felt in your writing. What are our images ? ... maimed children, shuffling pedestrians, scenes of explosions, grim looking faces of troops in khaki armour and dark glasses... and you are trying to show us some glimpse into the literary world of your people.

Can you post something of "Abraham Toucan" please.. something you liked very much yourself.
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Apr 6, 2009   #25
Can you post something of "Abraham Toucan" please.. something you liked very much yourself.

I really do not understand what do you mean!!!!!!!! It is just a translayion and I want to know if it sounds good in English or not.
Rosamond 3 / 26  
Apr 6, 2009   #26
What are our images ? ... maimed children, shuffling pedestrians, scenes of explosions, grim looking faces of troops in khaki armour and dark glasses... and you are trying to show us some glimpse into the literary world of your people.

Naturally, any nation that gets invaded by another will certainly look like that. That does not take away its culture. All conquered countries still retain their past and cultural background. So it comes as no surprise the Arab have literature despite those heart-rending scenes! You see waht you want to see, with a little rasearch you will get to know, Sir, how rich the Arabic heritage is. The European elightenment was inspired by the Arabs, that is a historical fact.

Can you post something of "Abraham Toucan" please.. something you liked very much yourself.

His most beautiful poem is "Mawtini"--"My Homeland"

Here is the translation:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mawtini

Here you can enjoy the song (the poem was made the national anthem of Palestine and now Iraq)

zahalqa.com/maw.html

Or

Here is both the lyrics in English and the song

ayyadcentral.net/mawtini.htm

Enjoy!
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Apr 6, 2009   #27
Thank you Rosamond..I've read and listened to "Mawtini".

Hard to capture the poets poetic-ness from a poem of this nature. Perhaps, something of a romantic or spiritual kind ?
Rosamond 3 / 26  
Apr 7, 2009   #28
Toucan wrote mostly in "that nature". I do not know a Toucani poem of the kind you're looking for. Besides, the poem "Mawtini" is really touching if that is what you mean by romantic, but maybe the translation was not as effective. I tried to look for other translated poems but found no other than "Mawtini".

I found some mini poems for another famous Arab poet "Ibrahim Naji":

geocities.com/soho/cafe/1324/naji.htm

"Romantic" reminded me of a fine poetic prose work for "Gibran Khalil Gibran", it is what you may call spiritual romanticism. I found the English version here (I do not know if it as fine as the Arabic origin):

leb.net/gibran/

Works & Art> >The Broken Wings

I hope you would capture its spirit!
Enjoy
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 7, 2009   #29
In 1929, Toucan got his certificate and was indulged the foamy and stormy way of life!

Above, "indulge" means to do something pleasant that you would ordinarily try to avoid. For example, I might indulge in a second slice of pizza even if I am on a diet, or I might indulge in watching a movie even though I have work to do. What was the original meaning? Was he perhaps "inducted" into this way of life?
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Apr 7, 2009   #30
Gibran's is definitely one of my most liked writers and influenced me in ways I may not be aware of, since I read his Prophet in my earliest days.

To read Gibran was to learn how to say things felt at those depths; but to express one's own thoughts now, is the larger reward. I wish you would speak freely of your peoples' suffering and your anger for those who brought it upon them.

It is ironic, that the oppressed have to express even their anguish in the language of the oppressors.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 7, 2009   #31
Gibran has had great influence in my life, too. I see what he means about... I was surprised to realize how much of my pain is "self-chosen." I put myself through unnecessary pain as I try to construct an identity. Dropping identity, I can drop language, too. Life is short.
Rosamond 3 / 26  
Apr 8, 2009   #32
I thank you in turn for introducing the book to me\ "The Prophet" ! But the Broken Wings are equally inspiring.. it is a matter of opinion after all.

However, I did not understand the thing about... ??

I see what he means about...

Neither about this?

It is ironic, that the oppressed have to express even their anguish in the language of the oppressors.

I hope some day I will be able to express myself just as refined in all the languages I am learning!
Chidem 4 / 18  
Apr 8, 2009   #33
Hello!

I also want to add something about the first translation of yours dear friend.

(merely as a reader of translated passages who have no idea of the original language)

If you are translating, then translate all. This is what frustrates me the most. I already don't know the language so what is the point of using words from former language? (talking general, not only you.)

When I read articles even in my native language this drives me crazy. I think others can also get disturbed.

So, instead of writing [Allah] you can write [God], then instead of writing the word then in English in parenthesis write the word only in parenthesis. Article will appear more original.

For example;

[Moreover, he should remind people of Halal ( what is permitted ), and Haram ( what is forbidden ), and be a perfect example of easygoing, well-mannered, and honest person.]

as

[Moreover, he should remind people of what is permitted and what is forbidden, and be a perfect example of easy going, well-mannered, and honest person]

Just a suggestion. :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 8, 2009   #34
I see what he means about... That is a sentence that I started and did not finish! Sorry for the confusion. I stopped half way through, and started writing another sentence! :)
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Apr 8, 2009   #35
I just want to make sure that these transaltions are in good English, and that what concerns me really.

The Palestinian poet

Abraham Toucan

Leave it to Allah!

The most wonderful things in the world!

Respect other's desire to talk about themselves!

____________________________________________________________ _______

I have also some urgent questions :

Do we say end of service remuniration or bonus?

Do we say spark, attract, or draw attention?

How do we use the word "compulsive"?

He was not born to be a teatcher, it that how it is said?

Was he perhaps "inducted" into this way of life?

will the word wade through work here, and is there other alternatives?
Rosamond 3 / 26  
Apr 9, 2009   #36
... or pay attention to them while talking while they take (to avoid repeating "to them" twice).
... but rather interrupt them at once and say what you have speak your mind!

The truth is that if you wish the others to love and ...
As For (As does not sound good at the beginning) this kind of attitude asserts your ...

As a cut in the neck is much more ...
And (do not start a sentence with "and", instead use : likewise, similarly, in the same manner...etc)having a bad tooth deserves causes much concern ...

... looking at the speaker (in the eye) and nodding every ...
... questions based on the information previously provided in order to ...

... merely because he listens to their complains complaints, discusses their ...
This kind of good listening and apparent (clear) interest may help ...

Very good job. I liked it!

The Palestinian poet (His title is Palestine's Poet)

Abraham Toucan (Ibrahim)

... Toucan got his certificate and was indulged the foamy and stormy way of life!
... the distribution of the certificates (is that the intended meaning??).
... After all the hardwork and suffering, they come and choose to be teachers!

... as a supervisor of the Arabic stationdepartment\section in Jerusalem (Al-Quds is the name of the radio station, it is like a proper noun so written as it is spelt)radio station.

... and he was dismissed from his job in 1940.

Nevertheless, in the evening of the same (??), he was offered a job at the rural teachers college the same with Al-Quds radio station in Baghdad.

... to a French hospital in Jerusalem, where he passed away. Toucan was finally relieved from ...

Great job! Keep it up!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 9, 2009   #37
All the translations at the top of your last post look good.

Do we say end of service remuniration or bonus?

Do we say spark, attract, or draw attention?

How do we use the word "compulsive"?

He was not born to be a teatcher, it that how it is said?

For these, above, the first 2 are goo no matter which way you choose to say it, and for compulsive:

He is compelled to give her a compliment. He noticed that she kept tapping the steering wheel, as if it was a compulsive habit. She was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive disorder, because every time she did something with here left hand she would have to do the same thing with her right hand.

He was not born to be a teacher. That is good.

will the word wade through work here, and is there other alternatives? You can say he was compelled to become a teacher. Or, you can say he was pressured to become a teacher.

I hope that helped!!
OP tasneemspring 3 / 25  
Apr 23, 2009   #38
Hello,

This is a new translation. However, this time I want to know a specific point: when reading this article, how do you evaluate the translator level: beginner, intermediate, or advanced ? What would it take to develop nself ? What about the style and the language used, does it sound: acceptable, good, or perfect in English ?

Thanks in advance

Love springs

The main spring of love is choice. Any kind of choice requires complete freedom from traditional burdens established by our forefathers, and followed by ourselves. In any case, choice is only the beginning of love, but it is not love itself.

Love appears just after making a choice. At first, love takes the form of giving, through which you feel that you are actually giving nothing at all. However, if you feel _ just for once_ that you are sacrificing or even giving while practicing love, then you are experiencing love in the shape of trade. Any type of love usually fades away when it is practised as a trade.

Not everyone has the ability to love, whereas most people can easily hate! Since love needs sublimity in mind, time, and feelings. While hatred requires nothing but malice and envy.

The qualities of hatred, malice and envy can be learned in a few hours. On the contrary, love needs many years to be acquired, and meanings that turn black hair into the colour of snow, and the heart into the whiteness of milk.

Learning can give the mind the power to view and understand things, while art and literature depend on one's sense of humour. Religion, on the other hand, makes one's emotions endless and able to grasp the real reason behind existence and the secret of life. Without these three elements: mind, sense of humour, and feelings, one cannot experience true love. Instead, he can only follow his whim and instincts with the purpose of reaching his own interests.

I mean to say that calling for love is a must. But, it is not an easy task at the same time (at the same time, it is not an easy task too). As it requires the combination of all the essential elements: Learning, arts, literature, and religion.

When shall we find the one who would to sacrifice himself for the sake of the person with whom he has shared life bitterness and beauty?!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 24, 2009   #40
I think the last time you gave anyone a review was 3 weeks ago, and you always offer quite meaningful advice. It will be good if you go back to giving some reviews!

Also, try to be patient when less than 24 hours have gone by and you have not received a response. We moderators are few in number.

I cannot say the quality of translation without seeing the original material and being able to read it, but I can tell you that the English is somewhere between acceptable and good. I say that because you have some sentence fragments:

Since love needs sublimity in mind, time, and feelings. While hatred requires nothing but malice and envy.

Usually, incomplete sentences render writing to be far from perfect. However, the good news is that this is excellent writing when you look at the style and rhythm.

Also, how about this:

One cannot experience true love without these three elements: mind, sense of humour, and feelings.


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