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Leave my country and move to another; Overcome a challenge


Jessicax84 1 / -  
Sep 24, 2013   #1
The decision to leave my country and move to another is going to be a big step for me. Us
was one my biggest challenge and my biggest fear. When I was already arriving the us, I started thinking what will it be like?
Will be able adjust? Will I make friends? questions like that were going through my mind but with no definitive
answers. Moving from another country meant that I had to start my life all over again, with no family around to
support me.Since day one every second I was here, I just wanted to be home. I missed being comfortable
at home. I felt safe, secure, and most importantly with myself. I I felt like whether I succeed or
failed it, it was all up to me. The hardest thing was being away from my family, especially
my grandmother. I was remembering that no matter how my days she was always waiting
with a smiling face. The first and second year were the toughest. Being in a new place
barely understanding and communicating. Being a shy person made more difficult to
make friends. I was always worrying about my accent. When I started going
to school, going shopping and even applying from college. Sometimes they
not able to understand me, even though when I was trying to talk in
English. As a result, I'm sorry, say again were
my days to days words, I used to hear it for a couples of
months. Then since my English was a problem. I failed
in jobs interviews. Even though I was well educated it
wasn't even enough. Definite a change was needed.I started
to realize that coming over here was the best for me.My grandmother
wanted to get better education.When the years passed I was
able to communicate with people and living away from home made
me more confident and independent. I mean had to do everything and
solve my problem by myself.I was also responsible of organizing my life and achieve my goals.

dumi 1 / 6,948 1592  
Sep 25, 2013   #2
First, what's the purpose of this writing? Are you applying to a college or this is just a normal classroom assignment. You better tell the purpose to others so that they can align their feedbacks better with the task. Then where is the topic or the prompt? That, again is necessary to provide you with meaningful feedbacks.

UsUSA was one my biggest challenge and my biggest fear

When I was already arriving the usUS , I started thinking what will it be like? Will be able adjust? Will I make friends? questions like that were going through my mind but with no definitive answers.

While on my way to the US, I began to ask myself; will I be able to adapt to the new culture and environment? will I make good friends? There were hundreds of concerns rushing to my mind and I found myself clueless about them..
moonname 6 / 14 2  
Sep 25, 2013   #3
you begin your writing with this sentence: "The decision to leave my country and move to another is going to be a big step for me." and then you describe your immigration experience. So, why do you use future tense in your first sentence when you are speaking about past time?

your writing seems a little disordered; for example you write: "I missed being comfortable at home. I felt safe, secure, and most importantly with myself." these two sentences sound almost in contrast. you should connect them with proper words like "but" to express your feelings.

Meanwhile, your writing has some grammatical mistakes; such as;" I was remembering that no matter how my days ." the red part of your sentence is defective because it hasn't any verbs. Maybe It can be: ... no matter how my days were.


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