I would be delighted if you give feedback about this essay and also a band score using IELTS marking system if it is permissible.
Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants.
Other countries have no intention of doing this.
Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion on which side you favor.
There are several countries which impose various policies regarding consumption of tobacco in public areas, including offices and dining places; however, some governments are against this enactment. Although there are certain compelling reasons for both sides, organizations cannot exempt people from these legislations.
On the one hand, if one relies on statistics proposed by governments, there is a data that shows ubiquity of smokers, which implies that a huge number of restaurants that forbid consuming tobacco will lose some of their customers, as most of them will want to use vaporizers. Furthermore, office jobs will not be appealing anymore for those who smoke in a daily basis, and many of them will prefer to work at homes so that they can indulge in cigarettes.
On the other hand, while it can reduce the count of people who travel to those amenities, organizations cannot neglect the detrimental effects of this product. For example, several institutions have found evidences concerning the pernicious effect of tobacco on our lungs; supportingly, not only it harms the consumer himself/herself but also people who are directly exposed to the toxin, emitted by the cigarette. Thus, it is particularly correct to ban them on public spaces, or not allow to use them unless you are in a specific smoking area. Moreover, in some occasions, those drugs can activate fire alarms, which are installed in major if not all facilities, for their clouds can be mistakenly regarded as flame ones; this event will definitely cause people to frighten.
In conclusion, despite the fact that the legislation can repel people from some public places, these products may indeed harm other people and reduce their health quality.
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The essay is missing an expanded discussion of your personal opinion. While you did discuss the 2 opinions as presented in the essay, the lack of proper decision making from you regarding the side that you will support left this essay underdeveloped. Lacking in discussion coverage, the examiner will have to score this based on an incomplete discussion or under developed essay presentation. So the essay only met 2 out of 3 discussion requirements. You have to make sure that you always present 3 discussion paragraphs in this sort of presentation. Remember to count the discussion points as indicated in the instruction. In this case, there are 3 reasoning paragraphs or discussions that need to be presented. Make sure you meet the discussion requirements at all times. Present a fully developed essay.