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'leisure activities are necessary for students' - IELTS 2

btxdzsz 3 / 5  
May 29, 2012   #1
In modern society, the leisure industry, including fashion, films, music and other performing arts, is becoming increasingly important in people's lives. Why is that? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Our society has changed a great deal in recent decades that there are many kinds of entertainment activities consist of our life. Many people feel the leisure activities play an indispensable part of modern life. Nevertheless, some people think that this trend brings about many negative problems.

Nowadays, people are influenced profoundly by the intense economic competition and globalization which has changed our society fundamentally, however, this is not took place in this aspect, but our leisure activities as well. Such as U.S films, European music, Western exhibitions, etc. There is no doubt that various activities give us more knowledge and expand our outlook. Our life was more magnificent than ever before. Living in pressure is an emphatic factor to us, the increasing workload, the drastic competition leads us need time to relax, the leisure industry affords us this suitable chance.

On the other hand, opponents of this view have their reasons. Needless to say, Different kinds of activity would distract attention from our work. People may feel unmotivated when they are afforded to many leisure opportunities, what is more, a great many entertainments will cost us a large sum of capital. Especially to the teenagers, they will in to fashion, film, music, electronic game. Because of juveniles has not yet fully formed individual character, they do not know how to distinguish 'dos' and 'don'ts'.

In conclusion, my own viewpoint is that leisure activities are necessary; however, the government should assume the responsibility for ensuring the students do not go astray academically, socially, and psychologically. The Authority should raise people's awareness to strike a balance between adult and teenager.

Saidakhror 6 / 21  
May 30, 2012   #2
the question is asking about why is that and negative or positive. The response should cover these two question, but you did it like discuss and give your opinion. No need of the last body, too many information on first question, conclusion is out of topic, no clear response. Sorry for critics, did not mean to offend you
Athena - / 83 3  
May 31, 2012   #3
Hi Zhang,

Sure! you could stick with the last sentence :)

Also, I feel that this sentence needs to be edited:
The Authority should raise people's awareness to strike a balance between adult and teenager.I was unable to understand what you meant by it.

All the best for your IELTS Exams!

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