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The leisure time in some outdoor activities is the most favourable method to relax the body and mind


rizaldohabibie 19 / 35  
Sep 16, 2016   #1
IELTS writing task 1: Uses of Leisure Time

Researches show that the accumulation of leisure time and the total of the stress and obesity are imbalance and it reveals that the time spending for restoring body and mind is ineffective as it must.

The most favourable method to relax the body is spending time in nature to enjoy the freshness but the condition nowadays is a hindrance because the life is centred in to the city which has high degree of emotions and intellectual disturbance. Most of people are trapped into the passive pastimes which they just watch television, use the Internet, and do shopping and it will negatively affected the life of children in the city that they have not had enough time to experience the nature surrounding.

Overall, from the average data of society having day off, many countries addressed to engage in much vacation time but only some of them get a satisfied leisure time in the outdoor activities.

mem77 62 / 98 6  
Sep 16, 2016   #2
Hello rizaldo, nice to see your essay and also i really appreciate with your efforts to write an essay. But, i have some notice to you to make your essay more good.

At the first sentence of paragraph one, you write "Researches show that the accumulation of leisure time......." I think because of this research have done by researcher in the past, it should be use past sentences, which is it should be change with "Researches shown that the accumulation ..." So, i think due to the fact of that, it is better for you to using past tenses on your essay.

i thinks it's enough from me and keep practice to improve your skill on writing!


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