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O level: Children today have no proper childhood


Chim Can Cook 10 / 23  
Mar 17, 2011   #1
Children today have no proper childhood. Do you agree?

According to the majority of the scientists, childhood is considered a crucial stage of a person's development. This is when one starts to form specific characters as well as physical and mental strength. A child with a proper childhood is often carefree, innocent, playful, active and well-cared by parents. However, children today suffer from intensive schoolwork, family pressure and mass media influence, which deprive them of proper childhood.

The fact that children today are inundated with a myriad of homework is undeniable. The scene of a primary one students going for several tuitions and a primary five doing homework for several hours appeare to be unsurprisingly common. Consequently, the overloaded schoolwork has left the children with little free time for outdoor activities and family outings. As a result, they become less active and playful due to the large amount of time spending on the desks. Also, the distance between them and their families is further widened, which may exert a considerable impact on their psychological growth.

Another trouble that children face today is the parental pressure. With the rising academic standard and competitiveness, children are compelled to study much harder in order to be parallel with peers, thus, meeting the parents' high expectations. Worse, the examinations have instilled fear into a big number of children, putting them in constant emotional stresses, which are proved to do no good to their mental health. Accordingly, they can no longer be carefree and relaxed as they are supposed to be. More alarmingly, there are cases when children were so stressed that they even cried after an exam with the angst of being scolded for poor results. Such situations have certainly raised some concern about the way children are growing up these days.

On the other hand, many adults argue that children today have a much more proper childhood than theirs owing to the availability of various necessities. Compared to the adults' childhood, children now receive more sufficient nutrition for their physical growths as well as more adequate supply for their education and recreation. Some tens of years ago, a classroom with proper desks and chairs, visualizers or projectors; computer labs or sports halls were something that children at that time only dared to dream of.

However, those arguments only take in to account only the material rather than spiritual comforts. What deserves urgent consideration is the emotional and psychological nurture that children are devoid of. We seem to be observing the decreasing number of truly innocent children. In other words, children's minds are corrupted by the influence of the mass media. In truth, they are exposed to a wide variety of things that offer to adults like sex and alcohol. Take China for example, many young ten-year-old girls are already expert in putting on make-up and adopting seducing poses. Some actually involve in sex scandals and alcohol addictions. Noting that such cases are the minority, still, that online revelation came as a terrible shock to the public.

Indeed, children today have no proper childhood as a result of nervous tension and media manipulation. Should this situation persist, there may come a generation of adults with incomplete psychological development. Therefore, something must be done to the upbringing of the children before it is too late.

I have a big problem with my expressions. Please read and correct mine.
Any suggestions to improve my points are much appreciated.
Thank you very much.

VVR 2 / 4  
Mar 17, 2011   #2
I liked the points you have tried to explain in your essay. Here are some suggestions.
Accordingly,(Consequently or As a result,) they can no longer be carefree and relaxed as they are supposed to be.
I could not understand-'Noting that such cases are the minority, still, that online revelation came as a terrible shock to the public.'
You might conclude by saying
In conclusion, I agree or concede that today's children are deprived of the 'pleasures of childhood' under the influence of mass media and peer pressure...

Hope this helps.
KathyLala 20 / 116  
Mar 17, 2011   #3
I have some suggestions
=> The fact that children today are inundated with a myriad of homework (delete "is undeniable)

=> The scene of a primary one students going for several tuitions and a primary five doing homework for several hours appeare to be unsurprisingly common (I don't understand this sentence, and I cannot guess its meaning)

=> Also, the distance between students and their families is further widened (It makes sense to use "they" than use "them" OR students and their families)

=> With the rising academic standard and competitiveness, children are compelled to study much harder in order to be parallel with peers and meet the parents' high expectations.

=> The school examinations have instilled fear into a big number of children, putting them in constant emotional stresses, which cause their mental illness.

=> A few decades ago, a classroom with proper desks and chairs, visualizers or projectors, computer labs, or sport gyms were something that children only dared to dream of. (you don't need to say "at that time" because "a few decades ago" conveys its meaning. Also, you semicolon is in wrong place)

=> those arguments take into account only the material rather than spiritual comforts (into is one word, I think)

=> What deserves urgent consideration is the emotional and psychological nurture that children are devoid of (this is complicated)

=> Take China for example (this sentence is steoreotype! delete "Take China" start with "For example, children of today....")

=>... that online revelation came as a terrible shock to the public.(this is not unity to your paragrahp, why "online"? you say children expose to mass media, but you are not saying how...oh maybe you mean some online news is a shock to the public right? )

Lam, indeed you don't have many grammar error, but because you are thinking of something then you stranslate to other things then you have some mix up maybe! just put down what you see and what you feel in a simple way first, then look back on the sentence to see if it makes sense, then you can polish
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 20, 2011   #4
...constant emotional stress, which do no good to their mental health.

Keep it in the present verb tense:
More alarmingly, there are cases when children were are so stressed that they even cry after an exam with the angst of being scolded for ...

Let's use a semi-colon here:
Take China for example; many young ten year-old girls are already expert in putting on make-up and adopting seductive poses. Some actually become involved in sex scandals and alcohol addictions.

This essay is so good! What do you mean when you say you have trouble with expressions? I think this essay is really a top-quality piece of writing.

:-)
OP Chim Can Cook 10 / 23  
Mar 23, 2011   #5
My teacher commented so. She said I have so many awkward expressions and marked me down because of that.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 25, 2011   #6
That's a strange thing to do. Doesn't she know that in the 21st century people from all over the world speak English in hundreds of different ways? Maybe she is just trying hard to teach you very, very well.

Anyway, even though we can all make suggestions it is actually true that your writing is at a high level of proficiency.

For example, look at how small this error is:
However, those arguments only take in to account only the material rather than spiritual comforts. ----It is a great sentence! Just delete "only" in one of those places. You only need it once! :-)

Be confident!
OP Chim Can Cook 10 / 23  
Mar 25, 2011   #7
Thanks for encouragement. I will work harder. :P


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