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The level of exercise and absenteeism in a giant company in 2012 - bar and table chart


Saputra Putra 23 / 10 6  
Jan 21, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the figure for exercise and absenteeism in two departments of the giant company in 2012 is showed in bar and table chart. Such data in bar chart is measured in percentage while another data in per 1,000 employees. As per chart, the data are divided into 2 parts: Birmingham and London department. This is important to note that the highest level was employee who exercised between 5 and 10 hours. The number of absenteeism between 1-5 days a year is the biggest number in this year.

The percentage of employees who exercised between 5 and 10 hours per week in Birmingham department was the same as London department at roughly five out of ten. While 35% of employees in London department exercised for less than five hours a week, Birmingham's employees accounted for roughly a half as much. There was a significant increase for the level of employee's exercise between 10 and 15 hours from London to Birmingham department, one in ten and 25 % respectively. A very small proportion was seen in the level of employee who exercised more than 15 hours.

Birmingham department's employees who went to work accounted for over twice as much as London department.The most noticeable change was seen in the proportion of employees who took absenteeism between 1-5 days a year in London department with 594 per 1,000 employees. This significantly widened a gap to Birmingham department by 216 per 1,000 employees per year. The level of Birmingham's employee who took absenteeism more than 5 days a year was almost the same as London department had been 248 per 1,000 employees.




vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 21, 2016   #2
Pay attention to your plural and singular word usage. Make use of connector words whenever necessary. Your essay would be much better if you remembered to refer to all facts and figures in the past tense since these are pieces of information that have been taken from previously collected data.

... for EMPLOYEE PARTICIPATION IN exercise and absenteeism... of the giant A company in ... showed SHOWN in THE bar and table chartS. Such d Data in THE bar chart is measured in percentage while another ALONG WITH data in per 1,000 employees. ... 2 parts: Birmingham and London departmentS. This IT is important to ... highest level was OF employeeS WHERE THOSE who exercised...The number of absenteeism between COVERING 1-5 days a year is the biggest number in this year WAS THE BIGGEST NUMBER OF THE YEAR.

... week in THE Birmingham department... as THE London department at roughly five 5 out of ten 10. ... in THE London ... for less than five hours a week, ...significant increase for IN the level ... from THE London to Birmingham department, one 1 in ten 10 and ... level of employeeS who exercised more...

THE Birmingham department's... for over twice ... as THE London department... who took absenteeism WERE ABSENT between 1-5 days a year inTHE London department... significantly widened a THE gap to WITH THE Birmingham ... Birmingham's employeeS who took absenteeism WERE ABSENT more than 5 days a year ... same as THE London ...been AT 248 per 1,000 employees.


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