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O level: The importance of sports event in Singpapore school


Chim Can Cook 10 / 23  
Mar 23, 2011   #1
How important are sports events compared to other activities that take place in Singapore schools?

Regular inter-school sports competitions and Singapore's recent hosting of Youth Olympic Game have highlighted the significance of sports events in Singapore schools. Sports offer students opportunities for not only fitness and enjoyment but also character development as well as life and moral values. Sports, thus, are crucial component of education beside the other events such as art festivals and leadership training programs.

To begin with, sports play a critical role in the holistic education which aims to establish and strengthen the links between physical activities and other academic performances. Regular indulging in sports helps in keeping one's immune system strong, thus, reducing the possibility of contracting certain type of illnesses. On top of that, frequent exercises during training keep one in a good shape by strengthening and toning muscles and bones in the body.

Importantly, youths pick up a great deal of moral values through sports and sportsmanship. First and foremost, students learn to obey the rules and regulations of the games they play as well as to respect coaches, instructors, teammates and even the opponents. In most of the inter-school matches in Singapore, both teams shake hands and encourage each others before and after the matches no matter who won or who lost. Moreover, the morality in sports lies in the idea of fairness. Students are also taught to never pursue victory at the expense of breaking rules or injuring others.

To add on, the importance of sports in education can be gauged in the way it helps in teaching students many relevant life lessons. From their involvements in a lot of teamwork in playing the games, students are able to apply their interpersonal skills in sports in building good relationships with their future colleagues and working in harmony with others. Moreover, sports build up mental strength in youths. Success and failure are integral parts of sports as well as life. From sports, the young people learn to treat the success and failure equally. They may not be disheartened after defeat and give up but learn from it and put in their best efforts to shine the next time. This is an essential life lesson that not many school activities succeed to teach.

A part from sports, the other school activities like art festivals and leadership training programs are also of great importance to schooling. Students are able to understand and appreciate the beauty of arts during art festivals. In leadership training programs, they have chances to learn how to encourage and motivate the peers to work towards a common goal. Through these activities, students also get to learn some critical life and moral lessons. However, sports offer both significant life lessons and physical fitness. Furthermore, sports can be seen as leisure, which helps students to release stresses. That is why it is of higher priority in the education compared to other activities.

With the benefits they provided, sports are still of great importance in the education programs in Singapore. Nevertheless, more sports events and activities should be arranged, and more participation should be encouraged. This is all for the aim to enhance physical, cognitive, social, emotional and character development of every student.

This is the first time I have attempted an expository essay. I am a bit worried about the structure. Can you help me check? Besides, help me correct any awkward expressions.The recommendation and corrections are much appreciated. Thank you so much

KathyLala 20 / 116  
Mar 23, 2011   #2
From their teamwork in playing the games, students are able to apply...

Success and failure are integral parts of sports as well as of life

This is an essential life lesson that not many school activities succeed to teach. (I have this kind of sentence in my writing too; it sounds wrong to me and I don't know how to make it better) how do you think :"This is an essential life lesson that has not taugh in other school activities

Apart from sports (apart-one word)

Consequently, more sport events and activities should be arranged, and more participants should be encouraged (you talk about the result, so I would use: as a result or consequently, not "Nevertheless")

I don't think you have any problem with your sentence structure, don't worry, your writing sounds smooth and edaquate for college level (or at least, I couldn't find error with it). However, I would add on some comparison sport events with other events in the school if I were you. And in your conclusion, you say that " Nevertheless, more sports events and activities should be arranged, and more participation should be encouraged" makes me assume that sport events in your school are not much encourage right?
OP Chim Can Cook 10 / 23  
Mar 25, 2011   #3
About the sentence " This is an essential...", i dont think passive voice should be used. Because, acording to what I was taught, active voice should be used to do an assertion.

And, do you think I should write separate para of comparing sports with each of the other activities. Eg? 1 para compare sports and music, one para compare sports and leadership programs instead of combine into one. And add more elaboration into that?

Besides, if I separate para like that, should I reduce the benefits of sports to 2 or 1 para only?
Actually, the whole essay structure- paragraphing is what I am worried about, not the sentence structure.
Please help, thank you
KathyLala 20 / 116  
Mar 25, 2011   #4
Oh, Okie, maybe you're right about that sentence because I personally don't use so many passive voice in an essay too, unless I don't care for the person or thing does the action, but in your sentence, in term of meaning, sounds not right for me, anyway, we can comeback and rewrite it. For your whole essay, I would add something in the intro telling more on the background of sport events, let the readers know if sport events in schools in Singapore as important as other's; for example: "although sport is the crucial part of improvement people's health, not many its event has been organized.", then your following paras will tell why we have to establish the events (which you already did on you writing). Finally, your conclusion say because of that (how important sport is), then we should encourage more paticipants and that..and these...

If sport events already have been established as import as other's, then you can have one sentence to inform that, which is you already have "Sports, thus, are crucial component of education beside the other events such as art festivals and leadership training programs.", but this sentence, to me, is your idea, not the fact, so I'm still not sure if sport event in Singapore has been organized as many of other's or not. This is the whole key of the word "comparison". Other than that, your essay looks good, I wouldn't suggest for any para to compare because your prompt is not really asking to compare, it's asking "how important", and I think you already answer.

Lam, Take a look at my essay too!!!Thanks
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 26, 2011   #5
This is an essential life lesson that not many school activities succeed to teach.

The problem with this sentence is that it should say "succeed in teaching." It is not good to write "succeed to teach."

I am impressed that you two know about active/passive voice! That is advanced writing. Passive voice really is okay sometimes, but active voice is more powerful.

Sports is plural, so you should not use it with "a"...
Sports, thus, are represent a crucial component of education beside the other events such as art festivals and leadership training programs.----sports can represent a component...---that is how to fix it.

To begin with, sports play a critical role in the holistic education which aims to establish and strengthen the links between physical activities and other academic performances. ----impressive sentence!!

Regular indulging in sports helps in keeping one's immune system strong, thus (i took out a comma) reducing the ...

:-)


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