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IELTS -Levels of youth crime are increasing


candy07 9 / 33 6  
May 16, 2014   #1
QUESTION - You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world.

What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

You should write at least 250 words.

RESPONSE -

Crime is defined as the violation of law. Recently there has been a sharp increase in the number of cases of young people committing crimes all over the world. This is an alarming issue for the society as well as the young individuals. Unemployment and family abuse are suggested as the two main reasons for increase in cases of juvenile delinquency Solutions such as implementation of employment schemes and family education will be analysed for viability .

Firstly, it is felt that the main cause of increased crime rate among young individuals is unemployment . Lack of job leads to frustration and poor financial status. So, many young people commit crimes such as looting and stealing to cope with their frustration and to get some money.For example , it has been observed that there are increased cases of youth crime after the global financial crisis hit the world. A research conducted at a European University has confirmed that more than sixty percent of young people committing crime are unemployed . Thus it is suggested that government should implement employment schemes to help young individuals get jobs. As more and more people will be employed , lesser number of individuals will resort to criminal activities . Thus, employment appears as a promising solution to the problem .

Familial abuse in younger years of life is proposed as a reason for increased cases of youth crime. Due to nonsupporting families and poor parenting , young individuals vent out their anger by committing unlawful activities . For instance , in a study carried out on young criminals in Australia, It was found that most of the criminals face rejection from parents and suffer from emotional abuse during their childhood . Therefore , to curb this problem , parents should be educated to be supportive and loving towards their young ones . Children should be taught to report parental abuse and disputes to appropriate helping organisations.

To conclude , it can be said that the society itself is responsible for increase in cases of juvenile delinquency. If governments take appropriate steps to employ young individuals and address family abuse issues seriously , this evil can be nipped in the bud.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
May 16, 2014   #2
Crime is defined as the violation of law.

I feel this is not serving the purpose of a good hook. For me, it does not provide a meaningful entrance to your essay.

Therefore , to curbsolve this problem , parents should be educated to be more supportive and loving towards their young ones

Overall, this is a good essay. I think you have good writing skills - good grammar, vocabulary, ideas, presentation etc. Wish you good luck with IELTS!
zeable 1 / 5 2  
May 17, 2014   #3
I believe this is a very well written essay which shows your good writing skills. Here is one point I want to share.

Firstly , it is felt that the main cause of increased crime rate among young individuals is unemployment .

Because you provided solid evidence to show the link between increased crime rate and unempolyment, I suggest you choose 'considered' here, which looks more formal and confident.

Moreover, in my knowledge, it would be a betterstructure containing 'Firstly', 'Secondly' and 'Finally'. As what you want to do is to start this paragraph with a topic sentence here, I think 'Unemployment could be considered as the main cause of increased crime rate among young individuals' is sufficient.
OP candy07 9 / 33 6  
May 19, 2014   #4
Many thanks for your responses. I will rectify the mistakes in my next writing
Kindly suggest an approximate band score for this essay
msarkar 8 / 15  
May 22, 2014   #5
Hi Candy,

I highly appreciate your writing skill. Just one suggestion, try to finish the essay within 300 words. Somewhere I read, exceeding 300 words is not recommended.


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