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Ielts: Libraries should not waste their money on hi-tech media. Agree or disagree?


MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jun 24, 2013   #1
Topic: Many people think that public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their money on expensive hi-tech media, such as software, DVDs or videos. Do you agree or disagree?

access to the various kinds of media



It is true that nowadays people are able to have access to various kinds of media in public libraries apart from conventional printed materials. Personally, I believe that this modernization in learning devices is an inevitable trend and should be enhanced.

To begin with, I would argue that digital tools such as computer software contributes greatly to the valuable sources of information and skills that library users potentially acquire. Indeed, there is no denying that books have played a major role in providing knowledge for library visitors. However, the update features of books' contents are not always guaranteed on the grounds that it often takes several months for a book to be published and released to the public. Meanwhile, thanks to the assistance of such modern computers or audio-visual equipment, it is applicable for users to obtain recent essential details in myriad aspects of life. Briefly, the utilization of hi-tech media supplements the traditional access to library information.

Equally important is that, librarians and other related staff possible take substantial advantage of the installation of state-of-the-art devices. In the past, the management of huge collection of printed materials in a library used to be difficult and time-consuming due to the fact that the majority of work was manually carried out. Nonetheless, with the presence of electronic system, such regular work seems to be no more a hindrance. For instance, librarians are able to seek out the exact location of a book in the library. Additionally, visitors are also capable of figure out whether one book is still available or has already been borrowed. In short, by the aid of these helpful media is working efficiency obviously improved.

All things considered, it is vital that libraries provide both physical and digital resources. By doing so, not only learners but also library employees can derive benefits from this.

Could you give me feedback on this essay? Thanks in advance!
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jun 24, 2013   #2
Your essay looks to be around 300 words, but you could have written less than 200 with no loss in content.

It is true that nowadays people are able to have access to ... Personally, I believe that this modernization in learning ...

To begin with, I would argue that digital tools such as computer ...

There are other problems (mostly related to word choice) in these sentences alone, but even more important is the lack of structure in your argument.

If you were to do an outline for this essay, how would it look?
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jun 24, 2013   #3
Your essay looks to be around 300 words, but you could have written less than 200 with no loss in content.

.... For this task, you need to write an essay with at least 250 words. However, if you aim at a good score, you should not have redundant words. Instead they should add value to your essay.

digital tools such as computer software contributescontribute

Your body paragraphs should contain more simplified examples for your reasoning.
OP MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jun 24, 2013   #4
Thank you John and Dumi for your comments!

If you were to do an outline for this essay, how would it look?

,
This is my outline:
- Introduction: Disagree with the opinion
- Body 1: Media helps obtain update information
- Body 2: Media helps librarians with management work
- Conclusion: Summarise my ideas

There are other problems (mostly related to word choice) in these sentences alone

I have trouble expressing my ideas in a simple way. Redundant words and lack of coherence are the consequence.

Your body paragraphs should contain more simplified examples for your reasoning

Should I add several personal examples in my body paragraphs? I could think of some but I wasn't sure whether putting something personal in my Ielts essay is ok.
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jun 24, 2013   #5
Should I add several personal examples in my body paragraphs

only if it's experience that no one in the universe (except you) has had

I'd prefer that you'd done it this way:

Introduction:

I would argue that Digital tools such as computer software provide alternative sources of information and skills thatfor library users potentially acquire

Body 1: one source (or type) of information that can't be found in books

Body 2: another source (or type) of information that can't be found in books

Body 3: If this is a 40-minute task, do three body paragraphs if at all possible (even if one feels short).

Conclusion: Do NOT "summarize your ideas." No reader wants to read anything twice in the same document.
OP MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jun 25, 2013   #6
Thanks for your suggestion! If I didn't sum up my ideas in the conclusion, should I give some recommendations or something like that?


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