Hi guys. Im hoping to improve my ielts writing. Please give me some feedbacks on my writing. Many thanks
It is argued that life was more fulfilling when technology was less advanced. I completely disagree with this statement and support the idea that technological advancement makes life better. The essay will first discuss how smartphones save us time and then talk about how the internet has made us improve education.
Smartphones proved to save people a ton of time just by clicking on the screen. In the past, if people wanted to send a message to others, they would have to go to the post office and wait for a few days for the message to be delivered. However, with the appearance of the internet, messages can be transferred to receivers in just a click with nearly no pending time. For instance, Facebook, one of the most common chat platforms, allows billions of users to send messages with just a tap with no delay time. Hence, thanks to mobile phones, humans are now reaping the benefits of fast information exchange and improving life.
Not only advance communication, but technology also enhances education. Never ever before, humans can quickly search for information that they need in a fast and precise way. In the past, if students wanted to look up a specific topic, they would need a huge amount of effort, such as finding related books or articles to read through, and these references can also be pricey to them. However, with technological enhancement, educational resources are plenty available and can be accessed at any time at no additional cost. For example, Google search is the most common search tool nowadays, users can look up whatever they want, and Google will respond back with millions of related results in milliseconds.
In conclusion, technology has made human life more convenient and better than ever before in terms of saving time and enhancing education.
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The essay will first ...
This is an unnecessary reference point in this presentation. The 2 sentence restatement and writer's opinion that clearly comes with a thesis statement was more than enough to get a good score for the paragraph. The additional sentence worked negatively and instead, moved the paragraph towards receiving deductions instead.
they would have to go to the post office
Incorrect example reference. People who needed instant responses back then would have sent telegrams or called people over the landline phone. Both instruments were considered cutting edge technology at the time because it offered ease of communication and speed of response. However, the examiner will understand the rest of your explanation, while ignoring the incorrect reference sample. So you will receive a passing score, but not a high one, for this paragraph. You did a better job in the second paragraph.
Your concluding summary is incorrectly presented as it does not follow the 2 sentences, 40 word requirement for the reverse paraphrase presentation in that section.