Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Life now is better than it was 100 year ago. Agree or disagree?


Firda Umairoh 6 / 5 2  
Apr 7, 2015   #1
Over the last century, people's lives is better than before. While some people think that life now has brought them to robotic era since human are too relying on auto technology, I personally believe that nowadays era gives many benefits for people.

I would argue that life now is better than 100 years ago due to the enhancement in public facilities. For example, in Singapore, many schools are built so that children can get well educated. As the result, Singapore has changed to be one of the most developed countries in the world.

...

mohjawahir 11 / 17  
Apr 7, 2015   #2
... many schools are built so that children can getachieve well educated.
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Apr 7, 2015   #3
Over the last century, people's lives are better than before. While some people think that life, now, has brought them to a robotic era because humans are too reliant on auto technology, I personally believe that today's era gives many benefits for people.

I would argue that life now is better than 100 years ago due to the enhancement in public facilities. For example, in Singapore, many schools are built so that children can get well educated. As the result, Singapore has changed to be one of the most developed countries in the world.

In addition, people's lives now are more independent since the people can give aspirations freely about what happens around them. In Indonesia, particularly in a reformation era, people can give opinions in front of public without being afraid to be jailed. It is thus clear that people have more freedom than in the past.

However, life now also has several negative effects. The first reason is people now are becoming more individual. Since the advance technology has developed, people are more likely depend on technology than human's help. It is inevitable that the interaction between people is becoming less. Secondly, people's lives in the past are longer life than now. One of the causes is people now prefer to consume fast food, which has less nutrition, than healthy food due to their busy activities. It explains the reason why many people in the past can live until 95 years old, while mostly people now live no more than 85 years old.

In conclusion, it seems to me that although there are some drawbacks as the consequences of the world's changing, I strongly agree that life now is much better than in the past. Where possible, people awareness should be improved in order to get a balance of life especially in social activities and lifestyle.

I don't think your essay need too much in the way of improvement. I think you need to watch your verb conjugations, and your punctuation. I think you could develop your intro paragraph, of two sentences, into three or four. The second sentence is really probably too long, for easy readability. Perhaps you could say: "Some people think that life , now has brought them to a robotic era because of excessive reliance on technology. However, I personally believe that today's era gives many benefits for people."

This would break up the intro into the point-counter-point you use in the body of the text. You say that some negative things have come because of technology, but that you still think life today is better.

I'm glad you found that as a conclusion, because it is encouraging, and heart-warming.

Your general sentences structures, word choices, spelling and punctuation of actually well done. I think you need, if anything, to break up ideas into shorter, more readable thoughts, to give the reader time to breath; you can also do this by adding some commas.

Good job!

ef_carol


Home / Writing Feedback / Life now is better than it was 100 year ago. Agree or disagree?