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IELTS - Life in Big Cities Vs People's health


MiaCuthbert 7 / 25 2  
Jun 21, 2014   #1
TOPIC: Living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
ANSWER:
Today, more and more people are moving to big cities to live. However, while life in those cities is good in some ways, I completely argue that people's health would therefore be affected negatively.

Environment pollution one of the primary reasons why life in cities is becoming worse than ever before. Exhaust from transportation, especially cars, and factories' tosix fumes can lead people to face with various respiratory deseases. Besides, water pollution makes people's health become more critical. The fact is that dangerous bacterias and germs in polluted water can go indirectly into people's bodies and create severe problems, which may result in death if the patients are not treated in time.

Moreover, it is likely that many foods in big cities are not safe for people to eat or drink. Recent investigations reveal that toxic foods are sold pervasively in today's market. Also, overpopulation may make people suffer from infectious deseases, especially cough, sneezing and illness. Furthermore, living in such cities also means living in high crime rate areas. Unemployed workers or school dropouts can easily commit crime from petty offence to felony such as burglary, pickpocketing, trickery, vandalism, smuggling or even murder. Earning money for living becomes more difficult, living healthy in such places is getting harder also.

In conclusion, I believe that life in big cities can have negative effects on people's health. Thus, both government and individual should take steps to diminish the consequences involved.

Words: 239
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Hope you guys would help me check it :) welcome all comments :)
Oh please help me check the bold sentence, I'm not really sure wether it is right or wrong ( where to put "therefore" in such sentence? )

Sabi Thapaa 3 / 5 1  
Jun 22, 2014   #2
Environment pollution is one of the primary reasonsreason why life in cities is becoming worse than ever before. Exhaust from transportation, especially cars, and factories' tosix fumes can lead people to face with various respiratory deseasesdiseases .
OP MiaCuthbert 7 / 25 2  
Jun 22, 2014   #3
I just meant it environment pollution one of many reasons so "reason" should be added "s" :)
And thank you so much, I was so clumsy it should have been "diseases" thank you :)
and the second mistake is not wrong, please check it again for me :)
one more thing is that "toxic", not "tosix", i think it is typo :D
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 22, 2014   #4
Your essay is quite hard to review because there is no space among paragraphs. In my opinion, this essay will be more impressive if you stand at both views. It means that in the first paragraph you rise case why people disagree, in the second paragraph you can write your strong view (agree).


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