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Life among the crowd or in a remote area?

Hoang Linh 1 / -  
Apr 9, 2017   #1
In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.

What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

human different living area

These days, people tend to live in big crowded cities where they have less connection with others. In the past, there were both positive and negative sides of living in small areas

In my opinion, there were three main benefits. First and foremost, people help each other whenever they have difficulties. In some cases, arguments among members of a family are reconciled by their neighbors. Also, people find it comfortable to share and talk about funny things together. They can organize a meeting at weekends to discuss general problems of the area and how to deal with them. Second, fewer people may cause less crime and environmental pollution. As a result, it's easier to take over and manage a small village.

However, I think living in little town has its own disadvantages. One of those is unpleasant feeling as people know each other quite well, which leads to leaking of private information. Sometimes, people find it inconvenient if their neighbors show too much interest in their family's problems.

I believe the advantages of staying in a small community are over the disadvantages. Troublesome matters that affect people's private life are minor. Meanwhile, it's great to support each other in community so they can equally develop. People are always surrounded by good friends and neighbors so they never feel lonely.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,631 2518  
Apr 9, 2017   #2
Hoang, this essay can only score a 3 because of specific, severe problems with your essay. For starters, your opening statement is not only short of the minimum 3 sentence requirement, but it doesn't accurately restate the prompt at all. The prompt asks you to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community. Your discussion however related to past negative and positive sides of living in small areas. Review the prompt requirement again and you will realize that you did not represent the prompt properly. What you decided to discuss, were the past reasons that created a positive and negative side to living in small areas. This is a prompt deviation because the prompt itself did not make any time distinction to make you discuss "past" ideas. Therefore, the discussion should be made regarding present time considerations. While your discussion was somewhat good, it suffered from under developed discussions in a few instances. Specifically in paragraph 3. The conclusion even worsened the problem because you decided to offer an opinion regarding the advantage and disadvantage of living in a small community. Since your opinion is not called for anywhere in the original instructions, you should not have presented it anywhere in the essay. This presentation made the conclusion flawed because you presented a new topic for discussion rather than simply concluding the essay in the expected summary method. It is because of these observations that I believe you cannot get a passing grade with this essay.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Apr 9, 2017   #3
Hi Hoang, I have read your writing and found plenty of problems here. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.
The biggest problem you face is to meet the essential requirement. This essay would get a lower score because it consisted of less than 250 words. If you can do it in the real test of IELTS, an examiner will be able to give you a penalty. Thus, you have to pay attention to this requirement. Following this, your thesis statement is no clear in the first paragraph. You are supposed to describe briefly what you would in the body paragraphs. That can help reviewers to get a general description.It is a good way to guide the reviewers to understanding this essay. It is sufficient to write a short sentence.

For your body paragraph, as I am concerned, you tended to list your idea. This is an essay so that you should explain systematically. Unfortunately, you mentioned that you are gonna review three benefits, but you only show two advantages. Please, you don't confess the reviewers about the beginning information in each paragraph. After that, you did not elucidate the negative effects as well. Your supporting sentences in two body paragraph are less strong. For grammar, avoid using a contraction in the formal writing and deliver proper linking words to create the good flow in this essay.

Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.
Strikeracad30 2 / 3  
Apr 10, 2017   #4
@Hoang Linh
Hi Hoang Linh,
In writing your essay for part 2 of the IELTS exam you need to organize your work. For the introduction, you can re-write the topic statement in your own words and then add your answer to the question being ask. You also need to watch for your grammar, there were benefits it should be there are benefits. In writing a formal essay, I can suggest you need to follow a certain flow.

Body paragraph A
Body paragraph B

I hope this will help you in your future work. Good luck!

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