Unanswered [30] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


TOEFL: Today, life is easier and cozier than it was then out grandparents were young.


kibz95 16 / 53 15  
Jan 21, 2015   #1
Hello everyone... I might need a hand here. I usually complete my essays and ask for revisions and comments, but it appears I'm stuck on this topic. I have my first point all written down, and my initial second point was that environment problems arose which is why life today is more difficult, but my examples were pretty low quality and I screwed-up my organization... Any suggestions for my second point? Thanks.

TOPIC: AGREE OR DISAGREE: Today, life is easier and cozier than it was when our grandparents were young.

The reason why the dogma, 'Respect your grandparents' is so famous is because they have experienced war and poverty which provided them wisdom that is beyond comprehension for youngsters. Nevertheless, the world the present generation live is far more complicated than the world of our grandparents which created new and even more challenging dilemmas. Life today is far more intricate and taxing because the present generation have darkness in their hearts.

Compared to the past where our grandparents lived, the present is a fantasy where we can simply contact each other with a simple gadget, or watch an education program on a large box with a screen. We may enjoy our comfortable lives, ordering food or supplies with the touch of a button, but deep inside this cozy world, a dark shadow resides in everyone's hearts. This looming darkness is anxiety and fear of failure. To be specific, people fear themselves because failure is less tolerant compared to the past for a single blunder can completely alter the coarse of a prominent business organization to plummet downhill. In turn, this fear leads people to achieve everything they can so that they will not create any mistakes during work. This leads to a problem where it is even more difficult to stand out among all these other people who have achieved the same goals. In effect, people have become mindless similar robots trying to fulfill their identical goals: never make a mistake. This change creates a ominous atmosphere that prevents one to comfortably work at their leisure pace but to stay alert at every trivial act. Therefore, life today is less easier and cozier than the past.
yoman316 2 / 3 2  
Jan 21, 2015   #2
The Idea that today is easier than the past is interesting. First I would explain what you mean by "Fear of Failure." Why do you believe the current generation fears failure more than the past? I would think that because of our ease of access to technologies that write, read, and correct our work i.e. texting and auto correct, people expect to see error free work. Instead of saying the current generation has "Darkness in their hearts" be straightforward and say they have technologies or access to technologies that make their life easier. In essence you can split the paragraphs into, the past generation and state that today is harder, second paragraph explain how technology makes life easier, third paragraph explain how technology creates more stress, then conclude whether the old or present is easier. remember to use examples in each body paragraph too such as the old generation expected more delays and were more patient.

Hope I helped.


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Today, life is easier and cozier than it was then out grandparents were young.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳