Life in foreign countries brings a lot of difficulties.

WRITING IELTS TASK 1: Problems people have when live in other countries

The provided bar chart reveals three kind of difficulties that are faced by foreign inhabitants staying abroad. Overall, it can be seen that people in the middle age experienced the highest percentage of the problem rate among three aspects namely finance, healthcare and way to find schools for their children.

About 36 per cent of persons aged 35-54-years-old had the most crucial problem in economics. Another problem was about health services that account for 35 per cent foreign residents in middle age felt awful in this situation. In addition, this age group had trouble to find schools for their kids.

As an opposite, individuals aged over 55 years old are the group that had the least obstacles. They made under 30 per cent financial difficulties and only small number under 5 per cent trouble to find academy that giving education for their sons and daughters. It was significantly difference problems between adult and elderly people.

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Hi Eka.
These are my corrections.

The provided(you do not need adding "provided. It is like memorise and an old trend at the beginning sentence. Make you sure that is made naturally) bar chart reveals three kindsS of difficulties that are faced by foreign ...

Overall, it can be seen that A NEED OF EDUCATION FOR CHILDREN IS THE EASIEST MATTER IN THAT CIRCUMSTANCE. MEANWHILE, people in the middle age experienced ...(You are supposed to meet the good paragraph containing more than 2 sentences.)

... persons aged 35-54-years-old had HAS the most crucial problem in economics. (Pay attention to the information included the bar. This is the data without the year. You have to use the present tense) Another problem was IS about health services...

In addition, this age group had HAS trouble to find schools ...

Note: based on band descriptors, if you wanna get the high score, you are supposed to highlight key features. You need to improve better and more impressive. The sense can be found when you compare the figures in each paragraph.

make you sure to meet those all.
Good luck.

Hello.. May this would help you ;)
... three kind of difficulties that are faced by foreign inhabitants staying abroad.

About 36 per centpercent of persons aged 35-54-years-old ...
... health services that account for 35 per centpercent foreign residents in middle age which felt awful in this situation. In addition, this age group had a trouble to find schools for their kids.

... aged over 55 years old arewere the group that had the least obstacles.

Hello, I will offer you a new form of introduction. Here is the following.
The provided bar chart reveals three kind kinds of difficulties that are faced ...
A breakdown of the difficulties faced by foreign inhabitants living overseas country is revealed in the bar chart.