Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Life is never just about your talent it is also about all that you experienced; GRE


jojony1 4 / 5  
Aug 9, 2015   #1
WROTE THIS IN A TIMED PRACTICE 30 MINS AND MADE NO CORRECTIONS IF U CAN GIVE UR THOUGHTS AN A GRADE

Society should identify those children who have special talents and abilities and begin training them at an early age so that they can eventually excel in their areas of ability. Otherwise, these talents are likely to remain undeveloped.

To have a special talent or ability is one of the most amazing gifts to be blessed with. Not everyone gets to have the voice of Mariah Carey or the basketball skills of Michael Jordan. It is great to train these remarkable abilities, but it is also important be educated if these abilities ever dwindle. Talents are never forever but your mind is. For this to happen there must be a balance of allowing a child to be child, fully educated, and given time to practice their special skill.

If a child is trained to fully focus on their talent then they never learn who they are past their talent. They will constantly feel pressured to fulfill the call on their life whether it is to be a singer, a basketball player, or figure skater. Children need to know all facets of themselves, which is their strengths, weakness, passions, etc. Giving so much focus to a talent prevents this from happening. It also limits a child from experiencing childhood like learning to ride a bike, sneaking around town with friends, and even going to school football games. These are a few of the many things that shape a person and give them memories to look back on. So many child stars in interviews have said they wish they got to go to the prom or experience all the exciting events that their friends experienced. Focusing on their talents limited them from being able to do all of these things.

Another example, is what if this child ends up in car accident as a adult or some of limiting catosphere that stops them from succeeding in their talent. Without giving them a great focus on education this child has nothing to fall back on if such a horrible case does occur. Striving fully to tweak and mold this talent is great to do but also is building their mind. A talent can flee at any moment but ones mind always remains. With receiving education a child will never have to worry about the loss of their talent and having nothing left to live a happy prosperous life.

Allowing a child to receive an education, a childhood, and time spent to work on their talent gives them freedom to be multifaceted, and not bound from experiencing all that life has to offer. Life is never just about your talent it is also about all that you experienced with friends, lovers, and memories of those good old high school football games.

BLisa - / 12 6  
Aug 10, 2015   #2
Hi jojony1,

Overall, your grammar is quite good.

I've some suggestions for you.
In my view, You should introduce make clear introductory (building sentence + thesis statement (writer's position)).

remember,
concluding paragraph consist of restatement of thesis, summary of body paragraphs, final thought.
reduce subject pronoun in your essay such; your.

Happy editing ;)


Home / Writing Feedback / Life is never just about your talent it is also about all that you experienced; GRE