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Life is unfair; Big money for some modern artist while other struggle to survive


andial 21 / 48 3  
Apr 17, 2014   #1
Helooooo frens, Please kindly need your constructive input in my essay in terms of task response, coherence and cohesion, grammatical range and accuracy, range vocabulary.

Some modern artist receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while other strugle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Life is sometimes unfair. Broadly thinking, most people who work in art industry is usually associated with rich people. It is quite understandable knowing they sell their creativity in the right way. A huge number of artists can charge money easily from their job, while many others have to take pains to earn it. In a particular point of view, It is reasonable for some reasons and government should not actually be involved in this circle.

Generally, artist has to spend most of their time in a shooting location even in weekend. In term of making film, an actor or actress has to be ready working over time to complete his or her episodes based on film director's instructions, for instance, when the movie is in deadline as his or her already receive the salary in advance. The artist is already ready to acquiesce his meaningful time not to gather with his beloved family. Clearly, effort made is directly equal to the result that is why government no needs to prevent the artist from asking a high price for it.

In many respects, artist has spent much money and time in order to find and sharpen his or her talent by taking several professional training. In contrast, other people may just fully enjoy their time doing useless things instead of finding out their talent and focusing on it. According to some beliefs, spending time and keeping struggle on doing useful activities when we were young will guarantee our better future. Again, why must a government waste energy to overcome thing which is in step with nature law?

In summary, work ethic which belongs to a person and the effort made are two important factors which may influence a person success. Thus It seem useless for government to take steps to overcome such kind of problem. Moreover, there are many urgent problems that government should pay more attention instead of thinking over about this.

inoue - / 1  
Apr 17, 2014   #2
I think your essay is absolutely reasonable both in grammar accuracy and logic
Nhasir Rahmatia 6 / 9  
Apr 17, 2014   #3
most people who work in art industry isare usually associated withas rich people

It is quite understandable knowing they sell their creativity in the right way.

It is quite understandable knowingconjunction they sell their creativity in the right way.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 17, 2014   #4
Broadly thinkingspeaking , most people who work in art industry is usually associatedfamous artists usually associate with rich people

It is quite understandable knowing they sell their creativity in the right way.

.... a confusing sentence... you need to improve its presentation and clarity!

A huge number of artists can charge money easily from their job, while many others have to take pains to earn it.

Some artists are well off in life with great income levels while others simply survive from hand to mouth.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 17, 2014   #5
This is the third essay with the same topic I read.

Overall, you write this essay with very good mechanics. However, your ideas are off-topic :(

The question says that "

Some modern artist

Which modern artist?

while other

Which 'others'?

strugle to survive

What a struggle for survival?

unfair situation

What unfairness?

A point to remember: Wide reading (authentic texts) is the key to improving your writing ability.


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