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'lifestyle and eating habit' - The causes of increasing average weight of people

yh1990227 1 / -  
Aug 26, 2011   #1
The causes of increasing average weight of people and their decreasing level of health and fitness and what measures can be taken to solve them?

Recently, people are getting more easily to get some chronic diseases due to the increasing average weight. This problem should be treated carefully as it may influence us at physical and psychological level.

With the development of modern entertainment industry, more and more people enjoy staying at home all day, watching stimulating TV serials, playing exciting video games or reading funny comic books rather than doing outdoor activities. Furthermore, we can seem to do everything at home via internet, which enables us do shopping, communicate with friends even raise pets. Another reason for overweight problem is that people are keen on eating fast food, especially youngsters, regardless of the balance of nutrition. However, home cooking is not in a better situation as many people think it will make food more delicious by putting heavy oil. These situations definitely not uncommon in many countries which are the main reasons resulting the problem. Moreover, this trend is not restricted to young people, but is also evident among elder people.

The overweight problem can affect our nation not only socially but also economically; therefore, our government can take responsibility to resolve the problem. It can release can public service advertisements to inform people the disadvantages of long time staying at home and the advantages of physical exercises. On the other hand, government can allocate money to construct some facilities for people to keep fit such as gym. Essentially, if we want to stay healthy, what we should do is to pay more attention to eating habit.

In sum, life style and eating habit are the main elements that cause this phenomenon. Health is the most important that we cannot afford to lose. Both government and individuals have the duty to cope with it.

P.S. Can some people give me a score?

mcshang 4 / 8  
Aug 26, 2011   #2
"entertainment industry" I think it is better in pl. form --> industries

ummmm, you did a very good job, but I have a point : you mentioned the "psychological level" in the first paragraph, but there is no psychological part in the other paragraph.

Because you did mention it, so I expected to read about it.
So maybe you can do a little adjustment in the first paragraph like "This problem should be treated carefully as it may influence not only on us, but also on the nation."

(I am not pretty sure about the standard of the scoring in the IELTS)
personally I will give you 7, because you have strong points and logic, and nearly no wrong.

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