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Toefl : lifestyle individualism VS collectivism


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Nov 18, 2009   #1
In western society general living style is based on individualism, while in Asia it is based on collectivism. Which one would you prefer and why?

In the past, Communities were prevalent throughout the world. Living in community based upon collectivism was the widely held belief. This was largely due to the fact that members of societies were unsecured in various aspects. Today, it is undeniable that societies are largely categorized into two types: one based on individualism and the other on collectivism.

I vigorously prefer collectivism to be a philosophy of my life for the following reasons. First, living style based on collectivism provides different aspects of security. In financial security, collectivists are always aided when they are in trouble, especially lacking of money, by others because everyone rely on one another. Thus, this society is deprived of financial inequality. In social security, collectivism brings man to comprehend one another, to observe the rules of his society and to revere in human rights, therefore, tranquility apparently appears in that society. In mental security, when collectivists encounter any obstacles, they always have someone help them solve the problems, on the other hand, individualists have to solve their trouble by themselves. Hence, collectivists do not immerse in problems alone until they have tensions or mental illnesses. Second, Collectivism living style builds solidarity. Collectivists carry out the customs of their society. As a result, the society that members hold on the social norm brings about unity. Third, collectivism shuns selfishness. Though, collectivists necessitate to depend on one another, therefore, everybody necessitate to aid the other too, so we can called "Barter system" <using sympathy instead of goods >

However, there are those who argue that living lifestyle based on individualism yields better living lifestyle as individualism promotes personal liberty. I believe this argument is intuitively interesting but normatively and empirically immoral. Normatively, although today these people are under controlled of rules, individualism slightly frustrates the respect of rules. Finally, country will not have any regulations and will be an anarchy society. Empirically, each man supports life individually, considers only about his private interest and does everything without taking consideration of humanity. These bring about many problems nowadays, for instance, income discrepancy, social disparity, economic inequality, etc.

All in all, with these three reasons, there are different aspects of security, creating solidarity and shunning selfishness. I have indicated that living style based on collectivism is better than living style based on individualism. I think that the crime is the most obvious indication. In western society, general living style which is based on individualism prefers seclusion. Thus, when they have problems, they always perform severely. These bring about wild crime. While in Asia it is based on collectivism, everyone help one another. Hence, they will not have drastically mental problems because they can share their mental sufferings with others.

please correct my essay.

Thank you very much

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Nov 20, 2009   #2
This is coming out very well, but I did find a few mistakes;

Living in community based upon collectivism was the widely held belief . "belief" is not the right word here!

...by others because everyone people rely on one another.

Thus, this society is deprived of financial in equality.

...they always have someone help them solve the problems. On the other hand, individualists have to solve their trouble by themselves. This is better as two sentences.

Hence, they will not have drastically mental problems...


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