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TOEFL - Do you like comfortable living or large amount of money?


rozha 15 / 34  
Jul 12, 2013   #1
When we are considering options for a major field in college, the counselor often mention the amount of money that we can expect to earn if we make that career choice. Then it is up to us to decide whether it is important to make large amounts of money or whether we are satisfied to earn a comfortable living . Certainly , there are good reasons for both decisions.

If we make a lot of money, it will be possible to provide a better standard of living for our families. We can live in better home, our children can go to more prestigious schools and participate in activities or take lessons, we can go on vacations and have experiences that would be impossible without the financial resources that a high- paying job produces. We can enjoy what the material world has to offer because we can pay for it. Beside supporting our personal lifestyles, we can afford to give generously to charities.

In contrast, if we make a comfortable living, the advantages are less visible but nonetheless important. We can participate in a healthy lifestyle because we will be less pressured. A job that pays less may have a slower pace and fewer responsibilities. Less stress may allow us to sleep better.There may be fewer demands on our time so we can exercise more and have more meals at home, contributing to good health. The extra time can also be spent with family members instead of at the office . We can be at the ball game when our child hits the home run.

In making personal decision, i am opting for a comfortable living instead of the high-powered job with a large salary. As the daughter of a successful executive , I remember expensive vacations that my father paid for but did not participate in because he was too busy at work. I prefer to spend time with my children instead of spending money on them. I plan to be at the ball game.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 12, 2013   #2
Certainly , there are good reasons for both decisions.

... Well... it's better if you write your thesis (your position on the issue) in the introduction itself. Then you can give reasons for taking that position and back those reasons with specific examples in your body paragraphs.

When we are considering options for a major field in college, the counselor often mention the amount of money that we can expect to earn if we make that career choice. Then it is up to us to decide whether it is important to make large amounts of money or whether we are satisfied to earn a comfortable living

... here you narrow down the topic to a specific scenario.However, your prompt is more generalized. So, I feel you should not narrow it down so much when you are trying to introduce your prompt. I wish you kept it broad in the intro.

Hey... Now I see that you are following the structure. Very good :)
also, post your TOEFL essays into Writing Feedback forum :)
OP rozha 15 / 34  
Jul 12, 2013   #3
I will make it better....:)...i will read more then i can write in a good way.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jul 12, 2013   #4
We can live in better home, our children can go to more prestigious schools and participate in activities or take lessons, we can go on vacations and have experiences that would be impossible without the financial resources that a high- paying job produces.

.... by changing the order, you can improve its flow and align your writing better with your topic;
When you are doing financially well, you can enjoy a quality living; you can live in a house, educate your children in most prestigious colleges, spend your vacations in expensive holiday destinations etc.

In this essay, you do not discuss about making a choice between the two, i.e. money or comfort. You talk about the benefits of having money and having comfort. However, you need to contrast the two and that's what expected by your prompt.


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