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I would like to invent an electric-powered harvesting vehicle - energy-friendly and convenient


Keng 39 / 134  
Dec 5, 2009   #1
Please revise my essay. I really need feedback to improve my writing skill.
Are there any awkward sentences? Is it logically written?

Thank you.

The question is that

If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use reasons and specific details to explain your answer.

To my view, I would like to invent an electric-powered harvesting vehicle. The reasons are convenience, energy-friendlily and little time-consuming approach. Farming by using this new vehicle can contribute wealth and success to farmers in the future.

The first reason is if farmers use this vehicle, they do not have to worry about how to operate it. In the past, farming always relates to fuel-powered technologies for farming. They have to run it manually. However, with the new invention, farmers do not have to control it. Their duty is to input instructions into the computer so that it can work automatically. Moreover, the farmers are able to change the order all time if they want it to operate in other works.

The second is they do not have to worry about energy consumption. Originally, using a fuel-powered vehicle is likely to use a lot of fuel each time it is operated, which results in the loss of money. However, by using the new creation, farmers are not anxious about it. As the new vehicle is powered by electricity, they just charge it with a electricity battery. This way consumes less energy, which makes farmers save the money more or less.

The third reason is they spend a little time to finish a harvesting work. In the past, farmers use cattle to harvest rice all day so that they do not have a free time to do other activities. In contrast, if the farmers use the new invention, it can reduce the period in which farmers have to reap rice in a paddy field; therefore, they have more time to relax.

In conclusion, for me, the electric-powered vehicle is able to help farmers in many ways. It has simple operating instructions to follow, do not consume much energy and lessen the period for farmers to harvest rice in a rice area.

aa6877 5 / 29  
Dec 5, 2009   #2
Good effort! =) Just a few grammatical mistakes here and there. The structure seems to be fine, but you may want to revise some sentences. I highlighted my changes in red .

If I had the chance, I would like to invent an electric-powered harvesting vehicle. It would be convenient , energy-friendly and less time-consuming to use . Farming with this new vehicle could provide wealth and success to farmers in the future.

If farmers use this vehicle, they will not have to worry about how to operate it. In the past, farmers always relied on fuel-powered technologies for farming. They had to run it manually. However, with my new invention, farmers will not have to control it. Their duty would be to input instructions into the computer so that it can work automatically. Moreover, the farmers would be able to change the order all time if they want it to perform other tasks.

Also, they would not have to worry about energy consumption. F uel-powered vehicles are likely to use a lot of fuel each time they are operated, which results in the loss of money. However, by using my new creation, farmers will not have to worry about it. As the new vehicle would be powered by electricity, they would just have to charge its batteries . This way, less energy would be consumed, which would allow farmers to save money.

Another reason an electric harvester would be a great invention is that farmers would have to spend much less time to finishing harvesting work. In the past, farmers used cattle to harvest rice all day, so that they did not have a free time to do other activities. In contrast, if the farmers used the new invention, it would reduce the period in which farmers have to reap rice in a paddy field; therefore, they have would have more time to relax.

In conclusion, for me, this electric-powered vehicle would be able to help farmers in many ways. It would have simple operating instructions to follow, would not consume much energy, and would lessen the period for farmers to harvest rice in a rice area.

You also might want to work on your conclusion, the last sentence is a little bit redundant (meaning it just repeats what you already wrote). Otherwise, all your points seem relevant.
OP Keng 39 / 134  
Dec 5, 2009   #3
Thank you for your feedback. It will help me improve the writing skill.

I will try writing a better conclusion by practicing it everyday.

Learning from the feedback can assist me in practising the writing skill.
aa6877 5 / 29  
Dec 5, 2009   #4
No problem, just ask me if you need any more help ^_^ In this essay your content was all there though. Good luck with everything!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Dec 6, 2009   #5
To my view, I would like to invent...

I think people usually say "In my view" instead of "To my view." However, in this sentence, neither fits. It refers to an opinion: "In my view, imperialism is unacceptable." You are referring to your interest, though, so you should write:

To my view, I would like to invent an electric-powered harvesting vehicle.

or you could write:

If I could invent something, To my view, I would like to invent an electric-powered harvesting vehicle.
OP Keng 39 / 134  
Dec 6, 2009   #6
Very good feedback to improve my writing skill.

Thank you, Kevin


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