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IELTS Writing Task 1: Line chart comparing international conferences in 3 cities

maihaan 3 / 9 2  
Aug 21, 2020   #1
Please help me to make my essay better and free of mistakes. Thank you a lot for your support.

international conferences hosted by three cities

The line chart compares the number of international conferences hosted by three cities A, B, and C between 1980 and 2010. Overall, the quantity of international conferences in City A and B decreased while the number of City C, from the least in 1980, rocketed and ended up being the highest among all in 2010.

City A and City B experienced similar trends during the whole period of 30 years, with the former obtaining higher data most of the time. In 1980, the number of international conferences in cities A was 35, compared with 30 in city B. Both cities then witnessed narrowing fluctuations in the figures before holding the same number of 27 meetings in 2005. However, by 2010, meetings taking place in city B surpassed the number of city A, with 26 and 24 international conferences respectively.

In contrast, commencing at 0 in 1980, the quantity of global conferences that City C held surged to 20 after only 10 years and grew to 35 in 2000. Thenceforth, there was a slight decrease in the meeting number to 31 in 2010, yet city C still attained the first rank among the three cities.

DiepVu99 10 / 21 9  
Aug 21, 2020   #2
Overall, in my opinion, your essay is quite good. The way you separated the information to analyse is proper.
However, I expect more in the final paragraph although you gave lots of detailed information about city A & B in the third paragraph. Just because I want the essay can have balance among paragraphs.

I hope you will receive a more valid advice from Holt.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,210 4317  
Aug 21, 2020   #3
Your opening sentence is not paraphrased enough for the examiner to believe that you did not do a simple cut and paste of the original information. It still uses too much of the original words from the original instruction. You should not use any part of the prompt presentation in your restatement. By the way, in your restatement, you claimed mere cities when the paraphrase should have included the word "major" to take the place of the word "capital" to describe the cities positioning. The information should also follow the 3-5 sentence format for the paragraph. Simply combining your trending statement with the summary overview would have helped you overcome that sentence requirement problem.

The green line shows that it had crossed into the other 2 lines in 1995. There is no analytical reference to this part in your presentation. You have to explain that the numbers were equal for these cities during that period, providing an estimate of the possible equal numbers during the presentation. Such a discussion will help increase your score based on the "comparisons where relevant" part of the instructions for the report.
OP maihaan 3 / 9 2  
Aug 21, 2020   #4
Thank you @Holt and @DiepVu99 for your valuable advice. I will try to fix my writing according to your guide.
manutd9111993 3 / 10 2  
Aug 21, 2020   #5

Can you kindly suggest an acceptable opening sentence for this topic please? Sure, if this thread is Urgent.

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