IELTS task 1: Line chart - The number of tourist visiting a particular island

Hi everyone,

Please help me review and give your feedback on my essay. Also provide your estimated score according IELTS band if you can.
Thank you very much in advance.

Summarize information from the graph

Question:

Please find it at the end of message

Answer:
The line graph compares the number of visitors who stayed on two different locations when visiting Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017.

It is clear that over the 7-year period, there was a significant increase of tourists to this island. Unlike the year 2010, in the year 2017, the number of visitors staying on island overcame the number of those staying on cruise ships.

In 2010, 0.25 millions of visitors travelled to Caribbean island chose cruise ships as a stayed place while the figures for staying on island was 0.75 millions of people. From 2010 to 2012, while the number of tourists staying on island increased to 1.25 millions, there was no change in the number of people staying on cruise ships. Besides that, the total of visitors to this island saw a 1.5 times rise in the same period.

The number of visitors staying on cruise ships significantly increased and peaked at 1.5 millions of people in 2015 and then slightly dropped to 1.25 millions of people in 2016, before reaching 1.5 millions of visitors again in the year 2017. By contrast, the number of tourists staying on island continuously rose, surpassed the number of people staying on cruise ships in the middle of the year 2015, and finally ended up with 2 millions of visitors in 2017. These led to the steady increase of the total of tourists to Carribean island from 2010 to 2017.

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  Line chart
  

Again, it is better if you stop asking users to score your essay because when they do, the account of the person who scored your essay will be automatically suspended. You must sign up for our premium service or make the thread URGENT to get a professional scoring review from me, as a contributor. The general review of this task 1 essay follows below.

The summary overview you have presented is incomplete. All of the sentences need to have 3 - 5 sentences in every paragraph. The summary overview must always present the basis information for your data. These data basis points include:

- The title of the image (restated in your own words)
- Inclusive dates of the survey (2010 -2017)
- The source of information (cruise ships and visitors staying on the island)
- The measurement type (millions of visitors)
- Single graph trend (that you choose to present) , no more than one.

215 words within 20 minutes? It may not be a realistic word count during the actual test. The safest word count number is 150-190 words. Most specially since you are prone to creating errors which you do not correct, because you refuse to review and revise the content of your paper. I say refuse because this essay is the second evidence of your lack of care for the quality of your paper. The quality of which will be seen by the lack of or least number of errors in your presentation.

The examiner knows how to recognize and reward exam takers who take care in the writing of their paper. Care and quality of writing is something you will have to learn over time. The length of your writing is less important than the accuracy of your writing in terms of pertinent information presentation, proper sentence and paragraph formatting, accuracy of word usage, among other scoring considerations.

This essay shows several marked errors in spelling, grammar, and cohesiveness . These errors will lower your score in specific scoring areas, which you well know. There is no such thing as a small or irrelevant error. You will receive the appropriate scoring deductions for every error you make. Hence the importance of proofreading and error correction over word count.

your had overwritten the essay, the writing task 1 should be short and clear